zinc Funny Status Messages

   I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator

   Oh good YouPorn put up all their Easter themed porn.

   My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

   Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.

   I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck then go on a high speed chase becuase it will be funny to watch a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck

   who needs people when you got pizza

   I wonder what gets changed less frequently...the diaper of a crackhead's baby or the filter cartridge in my Brita.

   If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.

   I want to have three kids than name them Ctrl, Alt, Delete than if they screw up I can hit them all at once. #ellen

   It's so cold out I've just turned 50 Shades Of Blue!

   Last year I asked santa for the sexiest person ever and I woke up in a box

   I'm sick of people comparing Freddie Mercury to God. I mean, the guy was pretty good, but he was no Freddie Mercury.

   I really only realize what I'm missing by not having a relationship when I have to make my own sandwiches.

   How can the world end in 2012, if I have a can of corn that expires in 2013?

   Congress always makes me feel nostalgic for college when I waited for the last minute to do work and blame anyone but myself.

   AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.

   █████████████████████ Take that prism!

   What's the form of public transit most rife with filth and disease? Let's name our sandwich shop after it

   I overheard that ABC is not cancelling Roseanne but is seamlessly going to replace Roseanne with Danny Devito

   I cut myself while shaving today, because who has time to do both?