minnie haha Funny Status Messages

   I’m drinking something. I'll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”

   I’m on to you mister..... there were no pearls and that was NOT a necklace.

   What manner of devilry is this?!? Just when Colorado and Washington legalize pot - Twinkies goes out of business?!?

   Having sex is like vacuuming; It should be loud enough to scare your pets, involve a whole lot of sucking, and it's best if you do it often in every room of the house.

   Screw Daylight Savings Time. Losing an hour on the weekend means we're one hour closer to Monday. Dammit.

   I think I might have had a wee bit too much green beer last night. I woke up this morning next to Paddy O’Furniture.

   Only because I take things ever so personally, from now on, when someone posts FML, I'll assume they mean "Fermenting My Liver."

   This morning I woke up with a HUGE smile on my face....frickin’ neighbor kids and their Sharpies......

   Can't the gov't just call in Jon Taffer and do this shutdown thing right?

   I met a new client at work last week, but I made a total fool of myself when he introduced himself. Apparently 'Neil' is his name, not a command. On the bright side - I did get the contract, though.

   Where do we cash out these Likes? I need gas money, and by gas money I mean booze.

   The Vatican removed Bishop Sicola from New York from the final candidate list for the papacy...... Apparently they thought it wouldn't seem proper to address the new pontiff as ''Pope-si-cola.''

   If a tree fell in the woods and knocked over my beer, I'd be pretty darned mad whether I heard it or not.

   AACK! I just realized that I'm still "it" from a game of tag in 1996. Ohhhh it is ON!

   For those of you that were wondering about my brackets: [ ] { } [ ] { } and [ ] { }

   My friend said I was a horrible wing man last night, but I'm not sure. I ate like 90 of them for Christ sake..

   April showers bring May flowers. And May flowers bring...pilgrims!!!

   I am pleased to announce that the PR firm of Helland-Hunt, LLC will be handling the issuance of all apologies on my behalf from now on. So, if you're looking for an “I'm sorry” from me, please go to Helland Hunt for it..

   I made it through 1/1/1, 2/2/2 all the way through 12/12/12! Whoo-hoo! I'm feeling pretty invincible....Bring on 13/13/13!!!

   Keep it down kids....Aunt Minnie is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.