Funny Status Messages

   I love talking to small children. No adult is ever going to ask me what my 3rd favorite dinosaur is.

   the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it

   I prefer my kale with a silent "K"

   Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him.

   You can always tell someone's age by watching them get out of a car.

   If you’re happy and you know it... wash your hands.

   I'd like to put out an Amber alert for common sense...

   I swear we are fighting two pandemics Covid 19 and Stupidity.

   The reporter on CNN said that at the end of the day, the thing that will keep you safe is common sense. Some of you are in serious trouble.

   Masks hanging from the rearview mirror are the new fuzzy dice.

   A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. 😂

   At my age, I still do dumb stuff, but only slower.

   I’ve done some terrible things for money...... Like getting up early to go to work. ‬

   I'm never more optimistic than when I put fast food restaurant sauce packets in the fridge and think I'm going to use them at some point.

   The Stanley Cup finals will feature a team that represents a morally bankrupt city, that is built on corruption, greed and deceit, against the Las Vegas Golden Knights.

   I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

   One of the circus freaks of the future will be the incredible non-tattooed man!

   If at any point in your life you feel useless, just remember there are people on the BMW assembly lines that install turn signals..”

   If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.

   Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!