Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you’re happy and you know it... wash your hands.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And just like that, people on Facebook went from being politicians to being epidemiologists.
←Rate | 03-11-2020 10:45 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reporter on CNN said that at the end of the day, the thing that will keep you safe is common sense. Some of you are in serious trouble.
←Rate | 04-01-2020 08:04 by Gripenfelter Comments (1)  


   messageicon Masks hanging from the rearview mirror are the new fuzzy dice.
←Rate | 06-09-2020 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 14:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. 😂
←Rate | 12-07-2018 22:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have never met a baby named Gary. It’s like they just start life at 30 years old.
←Rate | 01-13-2019 12:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve done some terrible things for money...... Like getting up early to go to work. ‬
←Rate | 06-17-2019 09:21 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Now it's too hot out to take the Christmas lights down.
←Rate | 06-28-2019 19:49 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm never more optimistic than when I put fast food restaurant sauce packets in the fridge and think I'm going to use them at some point.
←Rate | 09-24-2019 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My toddler held my hand all the way to the bathroom, gave me a kiss when I sat down, then stole my toilet paper roll and ran out of the bathroom laughing in case you were wondering what it’s like to be a parent.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The secret to looking younger is telling people that you are older
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We are gonna have to retire the phrase “avoid it like the plague” because it turns out people don’t do that.
←Rate | 08-27-2020 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time I danced like nobody was watching, someone stabbed me with an EpiPen.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
←Rate | 05-14-2018 15:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the circus freaks of the future will be the incredible non-tattooed man!
←Rate | 06-20-2018 13:35 by dj Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at any point in your life you feel useless, just remember there are people on the BMW assembly lines that install turn signals..”
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
←Rate | 07-28-2018 23:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 02:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't accept any friend requests from Taco Bell.. they're nacho friends
←Rate | 10-15-2018 21:12 Comments (0)  




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