Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I got kicked out of the threesome for singing “You’ve Got a Friend In Me.”
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So proud of myself for being healthy & buying vegetables that are just gonna sit at the bottom of my fridge until they go bad.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was shopping , thought cashier would ask if I wanted the receipt or not .I was prepared .She told me to have a nice day I said no thanks 😕
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Please don’t ask me for advice about life because I will accidentally screw up yours too.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 12:59 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm thinking of hiring Michael Cohen as my lawyer. He only has three clients and apparently he works for free. He doesn't take money from anyone.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 12:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think men are the stronger sex, watch a man react when the girlfriend says "what did you just say to me?"
←Rate | 04-17-2018 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rich men treat ladies the way ladies treat broke men.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 11:09 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon Write the name of someone you hate on your arm every day with a permanent marker. That way if you die they'll become a suspect.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 09:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Could everyone stop typing for a moment while I try to remember if I took my pills. Thank you.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she’s worth a shot
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before you fall in Love with a girl with sparkling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Teacher: Johnny,Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence..... Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and...Her-ass-meant a lot to me
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't like my Facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends' pages where the biggest news of the day on his/her page is what she had for lunch
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Listen here, Life isn't measured by how many likes we get, but rather the moments that take our likes away
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 23:11 by Just.a.thought Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are there braille dots on the drive up ATM keys ?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 23:05 by Jake Comments (0)  

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