Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Whenever I'm walking down the street and see a car stopped at a red light I like to wave until the person rolls their window down. Then I say, "You know, you can't park here."
←Rate | 10-03-2018 11:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sex is like a bowling ball, if your not using all three fingers, you're just cheating your game.
←Rate | 10-03-2018 09:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only Blue Wave anyone is going to see this year is the one that hit the Carolina coast a few weeks ago.
←Rate | 10-03-2018 07:35 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Dictionary the only place where divorce comes before marriage.
←Rate | 10-03-2018 02:45 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon FACT : If someone is playing Xmas music in October, you're legally allowed to kill them and use their corpse as a Halloween decoration.
←Rate | 10-03-2018 02:44 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bachelor is a guy who will never find out how many faults he has.
←Rate | 10-02-2018 21:42 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Consciousness is the nightmare before sleep.
←Rate | 10-02-2018 21:39 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon before you know it, Amazon workers will be making Prime money
←Rate | 10-02-2018 20:18 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Good day to be an uneducated Amazon worker!
←Rate | 10-02-2018 18:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new study says that a lot of people on social media today will believe anything that starts out by saying a new study says.
←Rate | 10-02-2018 16:04 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guys, prove you're not a rapist by giving large sums of money to random women!
←Rate | 10-02-2018 15:50 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Truth doesn’t matter when you just vote for your team regardless of their integrity.
←Rate | 10-02-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I, put commas, in, weird places, so that you, read my jokes, like, William Shatner!
←Rate | 10-02-2018 02:56 by Truman Comments (1)  

   messageicon Its a little frustrating how my speakerphone literally types everything I say exclamation mark
←Rate | 10-01-2018 17:10 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Damn, this is going to get ugly" I thought, as my wife removed her makeup!
←Rate | 10-01-2018 16:08 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon A-ah Mario, I have-a de large a-brain!
←Rate | 10-01-2018 12:13 by Trump Comments (0)  

   messageicon People are strange? Last night the bloke in the next toilet stall to me started playing with himself? It put me right off my sandwich!
←Rate | 10-01-2018 10:49 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think my car needs wheel alignment because it’s keeps going towards the liquor store
←Rate | 09-30-2018 13:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you're really not liked at your job, when they relocate and don't tell you where.
←Rate | 09-30-2018 00:15 by Haha Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alcohol doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean..... Against the walls, tables, chairs ect ect
←Rate | 09-29-2018 23:12 by Haha Comments (0)  

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