Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Before I get drunk, I wanna wish everyone a happy father's day.
←Rate | 12-31-2020 23:50 by @svaldez187 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you are getting old when you look forward to going to bed before midnight, instead of staying up after.
←Rate | 12-31-2020 19:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy 2021 New Year to all of you who will be staying home in your pajamas eating snacks on New Year's Eve, just like any other year.
←Rate | 12-31-2020 14:14 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm making Hilaria Baldwin's paella recipe for dinner and... Wait a minute. This is clam chowder!
←Rate | 12-31-2020 11:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Still not sure what I am wearing to the living room this New Years Eve
←Rate | 12-31-2020 10:53 by Cormonde22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don’t have a crazy neighbor, you are the crazy neighbor.
←Rate | 12-31-2020 08:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just think about it. A year from now everyone will be saying fukc 2021.
←Rate | 12-31-2020 08:39 by BabyD Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’ve been trying to start my truck with my house key since 7am this morning, there’s no way I’m gonna stop now.
←Rate | 12-31-2020 08:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife just fell off the bed and I laughed so hard that I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.
←Rate | 12-31-2020 08:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is amazing how many people have such bad reactions to gluten, peanuts, and facts.
←Rate | 12-30-2020 19:34 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 12-30-2020 18:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Check y'alls accounts‼️Check y'alls accounts‼️My neighbor's BabyDaddy is back!
←Rate | 12-30-2020 18:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Amen; The wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her.... Probably should have specified "with me"
←Rate | 12-30-2020 14:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My New Year's Resolution was going to be to quit all my bad habits, but then it occurred to me- no one likes a quitter.
←Rate | 12-30-2020 12:15 by KathryneTaylor Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother-in-law came over and made me dinner, and now I’m wondering if I should have married her instead.
←Rate | 12-30-2020 08:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2022 is going to be my year, I can just feel it!
←Rate | 12-29-2020 22:07 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twisted Tea is the new Can of Whoop-ass.
←Rate | 12-29-2020 15:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: I am surprised at how winded I am by this exercise!! Personal Trainer: This was the tour of the gym.
←Rate | 12-29-2020 09:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Therapist: so you pop pills all-day, eat random fruit you find on the ground, and see ghosts? Pac-Man: *deep breath*
←Rate | 12-29-2020 09:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I open a bottle of some condiment when there’s already one open.
←Rate | 12-29-2020 09:29 Comments (0)  

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