Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I think our dog is a Scientologist.
←Rate | 08-07-2023 10:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon While speaking at an African leadership summit yesterday, Sleepy Joe accidentally referred to Africa as a country instead of a continent. To be fair, most of what he knows about Africa is based on “The Lion King.”
←Rate | 08-07-2023 10:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.
←Rate | 08-07-2023 10:38 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 08-07-2023 10:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shouldn’t you have to pass a drug test to get a welfare check since I have too pass one to earn it for you?
←Rate | 08-07-2023 10:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went for a job interview yesterday and the boss asked me: Why did you leave your last job?? I said: The company relocated and didn't tell me where.
←Rate | 08-07-2023 10:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
←Rate | 08-07-2023 10:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oscar Mayer needs to change the labeling on their bacon packages to now read "Excellent source of hangover cure."
←Rate | 08-07-2023 10:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Flat Earthers: "The only thing we have to fear is sphere itself."
←Rate | 08-07-2023 10:17 by MickeyF Comments (0)  

   messageicon I sent a ninja to your house to steal your cookies!
←Rate | 08-07-2023 06:01 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Once a woman is MENTALLY over you.. IT'S OVER FOR YOU💔😭
←Rate | 08-06-2023 04:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girl is such a good cook that even the fire alarm cheers her on!
←Rate | 08-04-2023 15:57 by Billzonwheelz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Honestly, I think pregnancy test commercials would be a whole lot more authentic if they showed two single people high-fiving when it’s negative
←Rate | 08-04-2023 08:49 by RobbieG Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone said: "what night is the dnc swimsuit comp?" I concur. Would love to see AOC in a swimsuit and ball gag. 🤣
←Rate | 08-04-2023 00:05 by punk Comments (0)  

   messageicon Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes, or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.
←Rate | 08-03-2023 09:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A phone booth was perhaps not the best option for Clark Kent to change into Superman. He always emerged with his underwear on the outside of his outfit.
←Rate | 08-03-2023 08:50 by MickeyF Comments (0)  

   messageicon As the weekend approaches remember this, " A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure. ”
←Rate | 08-03-2023 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At Dairy Queen: Me: Medium Oreo Blizzard please. DQ: You wanna spoon? Me: Sure, when do you get off?
←Rate | 08-02-2023 09:07 by RobbieG Comments (0)  

   messageicon They outta line wit these school supply list. Why my son gotta bring 4 new tires?
←Rate | 08-02-2023 08:09 by Scorpio60 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We went and saw "Oppenheimer" Saturday night and when we left we heard a teenager say,"I liked Batman better!"? WTF did he expect?
←Rate | 08-01-2023 14:24 by @ttmichael09 Comments (0)  

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