Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 7 of 6012

   messageicon This isolation thing is going to make Palm Sunday mean something completely different to a lot of people.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 05:41 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I pretty much have this social distancing thing down to a science. I go out with no pants on. No one comes within 50 feet of me, let alone 6.
←Rate | 04-04-2020 13:08 by ITAM Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sam Adams is the main reason I know what season it is.
←Rate | 04-04-2020 09:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My initial goal is to get really, really fat and be a contestant on The Biggest Loser.
←Rate | 04-04-2020 09:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: what’s the first thing you want to do after the quarantine? Wife: get a babysitter.
←Rate | 04-04-2020 08:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when all we had to worry about was a little poop on our lettuce?
←Rate | 04-04-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know most countries make you keep your shirt on during all you can eat ribs night?
←Rate | 04-04-2020 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good Morning Inmates
←Rate | 04-04-2020 08:46 by Mckibb Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me at 5: I’ll be famous one day. Me at 15: I’ll be successful one day. Me at 25: I’ll take a great vacation one day Me now: I’ll just eat this this sauerkraut straight from the can.
←Rate | 04-04-2020 08:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m guessing the best thing about being a zombie is knowing the dance routine to “Thriller”.
←Rate | 04-04-2020 08:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon CORONA VIRUS TIP: If you have a donut in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face or shake hands.
←Rate | 04-04-2020 08:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The lockdown has made workout guru Richard Simmons popular again. It's like taking exercise advice from a marshmallow.
←Rate | 04-04-2020 07:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter basket?
←Rate | 04-04-2020 05:15 by Starman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish they could talk about something besides the Coronavirus like the world just stopped. Oh wait it did.
←Rate | 04-03-2020 23:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How is everyone enjoying their free 30 day trial of communism ?
←Rate | 04-03-2020 22:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone want to send Apple an email and let them know we need an iWatch software update...they don't need to keep telling me I need to stand up.. We need an "ignore, i'm in the middle of a quarantine" button.
←Rate | 04-03-2020 17:51 by RobS Comments (0)  


   messageicon The buttons on my clothes are starting to social distance themselves from each other...
←Rate | 04-03-2020 17:49 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon See below: Are you people that dumb!? Now I know why we're in the predicament we are in.
←Rate | 04-03-2020 17:15 Comments (2)  


   messageicon New Deluxe never used 2020 planner - super cheap!
←Rate | 04-03-2020 15:49 by Smeebert Comments (0)  


   messageicon The pollen is so bad this year that the druggies are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
←Rate | 04-03-2020 14:41 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left