Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I don't always contradict myself but when I do I don't
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My New Years resolution is to be more active. Sexually.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Show dominance on an airplane by calling the flight attendants bartenders.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The sooner you give up on me, the easier this will be for both of us.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 09:34 Comments (2)  

   messageicon How the hell did we go from “Mexico will pay for the wall” to not paying government workers until the American Taxpayers pay for the wall?
←Rate | 01-02-2019 07:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I haven't failed, I just found several ways it won't work.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 06:34 by Joker Comments (1)  

   messageicon Make sure to put the letter "L" in the world clocks when you google grandfather clocks.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 05:55 by Joker Comments (1)  

   messageicon If "HE" were an indian, his name would be Talking Buttocks.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 04:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trump is an inspiration to me that an unattractive man can get a wife.
←Rate | 01-02-2019 00:16 Comments (2)  

   messageicon May the Kool-Aid be strong with you.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 23:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a menu item costs a dollar, you give up all rights to complain about it, even if it has pubes in it...
←Rate | 01-01-2019 20:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm at the age where I don't party hard I party mildly.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 14:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just want to wish everyone a happy new year! case you missed the million posts before this one saying the same thing.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 13:50 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I call my pecker Whitesnake because here I go again on my own.
←Rate | 01-01-2019 13:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mom says hunnie your room is full of trash I be like mom my ex isn't here anymore
←Rate | 01-01-2019 01:20 by AquagenddèWilliams Comments (0)  

   messageicon The last place to celebrate the New Year's eve celebration is the tiny north pacific Island Midway Atoll with the population of about 60.
←Rate | 12-31-2018 23:45 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Southers New Year's tradition is to eat black eyed peas, hog jowls or ham hocks, and collard greens on New Year's .
←Rate | 12-31-2018 20:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stock markets close out on worst year since 1931. Well, we did say we wanted to go back in time, to the good old days.
←Rate | 12-31-2018 20:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fun fact: the tiny island of Tonga is one of the very first areas in the world to celebrate the New Year.
←Rate | 12-31-2018 20:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon On new year's eve, tonight while counting down the last 10 seconds, Lift yout left leg so you start the new year out on the right foot, making all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! Happy new years guys! Be safe, please. 😘
←Rate | 12-31-2018 18:56 by Richmcc Comments (0)  

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