Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon it normal for your right testicle to be larger than your other two?
←Rate | 06-29-2020 13:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For some reason I have a feeling that I might have told you this joke about Deju Vu before.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 12:36 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dieting is when you eat foods that make you sad and leave feeling hungry still.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 11:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My neighbor's daughter came up to me and asked, "Do you know you have a skeleton inside you?" I said, "Yes, Rebecca. I do!" She goes, "Is he mean?"
←Rate | 06-29-2020 11:10 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let’s join our hands together and pray for my husband who very tragically compared me to my mother.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i’m really getting my money’s worth on rent this year
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m the type of person who thinks he lost his keys while driving his car
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the street the sh*t is placed.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [first day as an Orderly] *gets fired for disorderly conduct*
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My husband is so not into sex, he thinks foreplay is a golf term.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My kids were helping me clean & then they asked what their reward would be. Um how about you continue to live here?
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’d probably be on time more often if I had an alarm clock that yelled, “Pancakes are ready!”
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2020 has really changed me, but not completely. For example, I haven’t showered in 3 days, but I still silently judge stinky people
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Raisins are just grapes pretending not to be past their “sell by” date
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nobody: Neighbors: THEYRE ASLEEP LETS SET OFF ALL THE FIREWORKS
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My behavior during the Pandemic should earn me the Nobel Peace Prize
←Rate | 06-29-2020 01:53 by Lonnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man it's already half way through the year. Time flies when the world is falling apart.
←Rate | 06-28-2020 23:35 by BertWhite Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tried to make my own hand sanitizer but I think I just made a margarita.
←Rate | 06-27-2020 22:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to the store to buy some invisible tape but I didn't see any.
←Rate | 06-27-2020 13:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Old: "Click It or Ticket". New: "Mask It or Casket."
←Rate | 06-27-2020 06:04 Comments (0)  

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