Jake Funny Status Messages

   such an adrenaline junky that when I see a 'caution wet floor sign' I walk faster

   Being energy efficient. When I saw an advertisment for a solar power clothes dryer. I ordered one. What I receive was a 25 foot clothes-line and a pack of 50 clothes pins.

   After 10 years of marriage my wife finally made me happy in the bedroom. She put in a 42'' tv a min fridge full of beer and she sleeps in the spare bedroom.

   If your butt cheeks were horizonal you would applaud every time you ran up the stairs.

   View the world the way you would like it to be, and not as it is. It's less stressful.

   Christmas shopping for dangerous toys. For kids I don't like.

   It's going to be a Good Friday.

   I hear they're making a remake of the Never Ending Story. It starts with a man asking a woman how her day was.

   Kids have middle names so they can tell when they're really in trouble.

   3 stages of marriage. 1.engagement ring. 2. wedding ring. 3. suffer ring.

   My wife was going wild in the sack last night. I eventually had to get up and let her out of it.

   Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband.

   Have a system for making long distance phone calls. The family and friends plan. I go to a friends house and use their phone to call my family.

   After trying it doggie style I can't face my wife again.

   Went to an amature talent show and saw a topless ventriloquist. I didn't see her lips move once.

   I have a real life autocorrect, my wife. :-)

   Boobs are like the sun, you can take a quick look but it's dangerous to stare.

   Most wives don't mind if their husband bring some work home to do. But my sister does, her husband is a mortician.

   Living in a nudist colony, takes all the fun out of Halloween.

   I don't see anything wrong with a kidnapping. If a kid wants to take a nap, let them.