Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon For all those calling for "Fathers Day" to be called "Special Person's" day, you already have a day of your own. It's April 1st.
←Rate | 06-06-2018 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
←Rate | 06-14-2018 07:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s time for a new holiday, where people give gifts they don’t want.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't matter if you're black or white, heterosexual or homosexual, man or woman because cats hate all of you.
←Rate | 07-26-2018 14:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 01:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
←Rate | 06-12-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
←Rate | 06-27-2018 13:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just bought a new picture frame to hang a photo in my wall that came with a stock photo of a really beutiful family that reminds me of a lot of my facebook friends, who I dont know either.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing😁
←Rate | 08-07-2018 13:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!
←Rate | 08-28-2018 09:05 by Stevielea Comments (2)  


   messageicon Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 3.1x
←Rate | 08-12-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember son -- when you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 23:44 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worse thing about flirting with disaster is when disaster turns away and says, "Ew."
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ambition is the path to success. Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in...
←Rate | 10-12-2017 09:22 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always ask if I can pay in bitcoins now, not because I have any but because I want to be cool
←Rate | 02-07-2018 11:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All those Olympic curlers are headed back home now, where the wife is standing by the door with a mop and a broom saying "no more excuses"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the great things about having kids is that you can check your pulse using the veins on the side of your head
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:21 by markf Comments (0)  




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