flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I won't take a bullet for ANYONE because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My last words will be either "I wonder what this does..." or "no, you put YOUR gun down."
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon 6 of those Extreme Coupon people could fix the entire US Budget.
←Rate | 04-10-2012 08:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two secrets to keep your marriage happy.. When you're wrong, admit it, and, when you're right, shut up.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 20:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who try to get on camera in live news report backgrounds clearly haven't been punched enough in their lifetime.
←Rate | 12-20-2011 06:35 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
←Rate | 02-08-2012 08:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time a telemarketer calls, hit 'em with an "I love you" right off the bat. Just keep saying it, no matter what they say
←Rate | 02-22-2012 18:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 16:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 06:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
←Rate | 08-12-2013 08:09 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging by how many people brazenly wander into traffic while staring at their phone, there must be some force-field app I don't know about.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 06:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just can't stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to "stay cool"
←Rate | 04-16-2013 06:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
←Rate | 07-18-2014 03:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm still waiting for my chance to shout "UNHAND me you fools!!" as security escorts me off the premises.
←Rate | 09-11-2011 06:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you're fired"
←Rate | 07-28-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "What did he say?" "Who is she?" "What just happened?" (Repeat 30 times and you just watched a movie with my mom)
←Rate | 01-13-2012 06:08 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 07:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just read something so funny it made me spit coffee out my nose, which is odd because I wasn't drinking coffee at the time.
←Rate | 05-25-2010 10:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once when they interview a serial killer's neighbor I'd like to hear them say "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, I told people for years he was gonna do this"
←Rate | 11-04-2011 09:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's tough to control a fear of abandonment issue when your therapist doesn't show up for your appointment.
←Rate | 05-19-2012 07:29 by flinnie Comments (4)  




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