flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage lightbulbs.
←Rate | 01-27-2012 09:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I won't take a bullet for ANYONE because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My last words will be either "I wonder what this does..." or "no, you put YOUR gun down."
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon 6 of those Extreme Coupon people could fix the entire US Budget.
←Rate | 04-10-2012 08:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once when they interview a serial killer's neighbor I'd like to hear them say "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, I told people for years he was gonna do this"
←Rate | 11-04-2011 09:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two secrets to keep your marriage happy.. When you're wrong, admit it, and, when you're right, shut up.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 20:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who try to get on camera in live news report backgrounds clearly haven't been punched enough in their lifetime.
←Rate | 12-20-2011 06:35 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
←Rate | 02-08-2012 08:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time a telemarketer calls, hit 'em with an "I love you" right off the bat. Just keep saying it, no matter what they say
←Rate | 02-22-2012 18:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 16:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
←Rate | 08-12-2013 08:09 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 06:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you're fired"
←Rate | 07-28-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The VMA's is the only day out of every year that MTV pretends to care about music.. Then its back to the pregnant teens, jersey people in italy, and sweet 16 birthday parties
←Rate | 08-29-2011 06:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm still waiting for my chance to shout "UNHAND me you fools!!" as security escorts me off the premises.
←Rate | 09-11-2011 06:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
←Rate | 07-18-2014 03:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging by how many people brazenly wander into traffic while staring at their phone, there must be some force-field app I don't know about.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 06:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "What did he say?" "Who is she?" "What just happened?" (Repeat 30 times and you just watched a movie with my mom)
←Rate | 01-13-2012 06:08 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just read something so funny it made me spit coffee out my nose, which is odd because I wasn't drinking coffee at the time.
←Rate | 05-25-2010 10:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's tough to control a fear of abandonment issue when your therapist doesn't show up for your appointment.
←Rate | 05-19-2012 07:29 by flinnie Comments (4)  




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