Mickey Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When it comes to the Super Bowl, you know why everybody mostly talks about the commercials, the half-time show, and what parties they're going to? Because let's face it, the game itself is usually a snooze-fest.
←Rate | 02-03-2012 10:58 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon What bothers me most about liberal women, is that none of them are hot enough to be this stupid.
←Rate | 01-29-2017 13:15 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon A flying saucer lands at a gas station. Two aliens got out. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station guy goes, "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" "No", said one of aliens, "Unleaded Fuel Only."
←Rate | 02-05-2013 16:53 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh, to have you next to me in the morning. Your soothing warmth, your intensity, your comfort. I need to get a Mr. Coffee for my nightstand.
←Rate | 03-11-2012 09:45 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon The temps here (Orlando, FL) were in the low 30s three days ago. Today, the highs are supposed to hit the mid 80s. At exactly what point in time was Mother Nature replaced by The Three Stooges?
←Rate | 02-16-2012 09:14 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was in the 10th grade I was taught $ex-ed by a 65-year-old nun, which is kind of like taking barbecue lessons from a vegetarian.
←Rate | 01-15-2012 09:23 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can take the "trash" out of the trailer, but you can't take the "trailer" out of the trash.
←Rate | 01-26-2012 07:34 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hellooooo....It's 2012.....Where's my flying car already?....Helloooooo.....
←Rate | 01-30-2012 07:46 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook allows me to reconnect with my old musician friends. I'm surprised at how many of them wound up living the American dream. They married women with steady incomes.
←Rate | 11-17-2015 12:47 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just watched Godzilla backwards. It's like, it's about this dinosaur who insanely pieces a city back together, then moonwalks into the ocean.
←Rate | 01-24-2012 06:00 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my hillbilly neighbor over and over, "You CAN'T go on someone's facebook page who lives in another country and type 'Dang foreigner!' in the comment box!"
←Rate | 01-09-2013 19:54 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon April Fools Day: Don't believe anyone or anything...like you should any other day.
←Rate | 04-01-2013 12:35 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Olive Garden says: "When you're here you're family". I won't go there out of fear of a woman resembling my grandmother running out of the kitchen and throwing a shoe at my head.
←Rate | 02-01-2012 08:12 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the ATM printed out the receipt showing my account balance, I really don't think the LOL at the end was necessary.
←Rate | 02-07-2013 23:51 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd be all for the Women's March protest if they added, "off a cliff" to the name of the event.
←Rate | 01-20-2017 07:47 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor asked for a stool, a urine, a blood, and a semen sample. I gave him my underwear.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 12:07 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon My donations to the food driver are bittersweet. I give, but it's canned sliced beets and Beefaroni.
←Rate | 05-31-2016 12:41 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm taking my girl to a Psychologist/Gynecologist. Maybe he's the one who can finally help her understand why she's such a ¢unt.
←Rate | 01-09-2014 05:58 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
←Rate | 01-10-2017 13:13 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna meet me at Taco Bell? The Day Without Illegal Migrants means we'll get plenty of sauce packets and napkins.
←Rate | 02-17-2017 12:21 by Mickey Comments (0)  




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