Michael Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon off to the printer to have my new t-shirts made. I've got, “I beat anorexia” shirts to sell to fat people and, “I beat obesity” shirts to sell to skinny people.
←Rate | 01-18-2011 10:42 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon The baby's name is Prince George. Great! Now what do you all say we stop talking about it until he grows up, puts on a Nazi costume, and gets naked in Vegas?
←Rate | 07-24-2013 15:46 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to name my first two children George and Trayvon and make them share a bag a Skittles. Its my little way of fighting racism.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 14:18 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Great, another three-day work week. FML!" ~ My Liver.
←Rate | 05-24-2013 07:51 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim Jong Un unanimously won an election which had a 99% voter turn out. In other news, North Korea's economic report is out and shows a 1% increase in dog food production..
←Rate | 03-11-2014 10:53 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon So now that she's dead, we can start putting booze in her drink. Right?
←Rate | 02-12-2014 07:47 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Eagles wide reciever Riley Cooper has been excused from all team activities so that he can go attend a cooking class with Paula Deen
←Rate | 08-02-2013 14:06 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always feel so bad for homeless people. So when I see one, I always stop and show them a really big "frowny face". That way they don't realize how much fun I'm having with all my money and stuff.
←Rate | 03-08-2013 15:08 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Awe crap" ~ The first thing that goes through your head when "Michael has commented on your status" pops up in your phones notification bar.
←Rate | 12-13-2013 13:27 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Convicted Amy private Bradley Manning wants to live the rest of his life as a woman. At 5'2" and sporting that purdy little mouth, I doubt he's going to have a hard time being a woman while he's behind bars.
←Rate | 08-22-2013 08:44 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Washington and Colorado legalize marijuana, Seattle and Denver advance to the Super Bowl. Coincidence? I think pot!
←Rate | 01-20-2014 08:29 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon 8:30am and it already feels like the longest day of the year.
←Rate | 06-21-2013 08:30 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well... with the SCOTUS ruling on gay marriage... I think its safe to say that a Bieber / Cyrus wedding is inevitable.
←Rate | 06-26-2013 10:58 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon James Watson, the scientist that discovered the DNA double helix, believes that "stupidity" is a genetic condition that can be cured. So chin up, buttercup. There is hope for you yet!
←Rate | 01-15-2015 10:39 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'm sorry your pet died. Can I come over for breakfast tomorrow?" - The world if pigs replaced dogs.
←Rate | 12-15-2014 07:55 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon SPOILER ALERT!!! Trent Richardson's sex tape is acually a series of tapes which average less than 2.9 minutes. Trent never busts a long one and he often struggles to find the hole.
←Rate | 11-13-2013 13:54 by Michael Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just changed my iTunes password to "password".... and now I just have to wait for all of my nudes to be leaked.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 11:31 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls, if you don't look like a Victoria's Secret Angle, don't expect us to care what you think about what we look like.
←Rate | 05-14-2013 10:25 by Michael Comments (1)  


   messageicon Happy Birthday 21st Amendment
←Rate | 02-20-2013 11:47 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Big win for the Catholic church as Pope Francis takes Time Magazine's person of the year barely edging out finalists tea bagger Ted Cruz, prostitute Miley Cyrus, and worst president since Jefferson Davis Barack Obama.
←Rate | 12-11-2013 08:43 by MIchael Comments (0)  



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