Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You're not living life right if you don't get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
←Rate | 08-22-2011 09:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do I have to bother pushing "one" for English? I'm still going to get someone who can't speak it.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 21:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
←Rate | 10-31-2010 15:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This Jack Daniels tastes a little bit like I'm not going to work tomorrow.
←Rate | 08-23-2011 14:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're a millionaire and you don't have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you're wasting it.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If good things come to those who wait, then I must have something ridiculously amazing coming!
←Rate | 04-11-2011 15:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the Zombie Apocolypse doesn't start out like the dance portion of the Thriller video I'm going to be pissed...........
←Rate | 06-02-2012 21:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes...
←Rate | 04-20-2011 17:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I wonder how old Jenna Jameson's twin sons will be when they realize they weren't the first two guys to be in their mom at the same time.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 14:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're in the wrong part of town, when you start seeing pay phones...
←Rate | 06-01-2011 12:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a mosquito bite last night... Bet that little guy is pretty hungover today.
←Rate | 06-26-2010 12:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Almost a billion dollars have been spent on campaign ads so far. It's a good thing our schools and economy are in great shape or I'd be mad.
←Rate | 10-24-2012 14:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have learned one thing since joining Facebook - I'm not nearly as messed up as I thought I was.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 13:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that's coming.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 17:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to keep a picture of myself in my wallet so when people show me pictures of their kids I can show them a pic of me not giving a sh!t.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 15:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook should allow you to automatically de-friend your ex from all of your friends.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 17:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake. It's a choice.
←Rate | 04-19-2011 22:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you're thinking.
←Rate | 06-05-2011 17:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder what would happen if I walked through Sea World with a fishing pole.
←Rate | 04-21-2010 20:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the beginning of a relationship, I wonder if women rub their hands together and say "Let the games begin!"
←Rate | 01-20-2011 17:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (3)  


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