Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I wonder how old Jenna Jameson's twin sons will be when they realize they weren't the first two guys to be in their mom at the same time.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 14:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're in the wrong part of town, when you start seeing pay phones...
←Rate | 06-01-2011 12:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a mosquito bite last night... Bet that little guy is pretty hungover today.
←Rate | 06-26-2010 12:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Almost a billion dollars have been spent on campaign ads so far. It's a good thing our schools and economy are in great shape or I'd be mad.
←Rate | 10-24-2012 14:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have learned one thing since joining Facebook - I'm not nearly as messed up as I thought I was.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 13:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that's coming.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 17:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook should allow you to automatically de-friend your ex from all of your friends.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 17:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to keep a picture of myself in my wallet so when people show me pictures of their kids I can show them a pic of me not giving a sh!t.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 15:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake. It's a choice.
←Rate | 04-19-2011 22:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you're thinking.
←Rate | 06-05-2011 17:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
←Rate | 02-16-2013 12:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder what would happen if I walked through Sea World with a fishing pole.
←Rate | 04-21-2010 20:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the beginning of a relationship, I wonder if women rub their hands together and say "Let the games begin!"
←Rate | 01-20-2011 17:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (3)  


   messageicon Dear Facebook friend, I was so super excited to read your post about you having pork chops for dinner. It was almost as captivating as your story about taking your grandmother to the grocery store. Where do you come up with this stuff???
←Rate | 10-17-2011 12:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good thing I got this degree, just in case this unemployment thing doesn't work out.
←Rate | 10-13-2011 13:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
←Rate | 12-29-2010 15:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon When I say "It's a long story," it doesn't mean it's actually a long story. It means I just don't want to tell you.
←Rate | 04-17-2012 15:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon That'll teach the bltch to keep the house in the divorce... Before I left, I set 3 white rats free in the house with 1, 2, & 4 written on their backs.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 18:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry but if someone busted out of my birthday cake, they better have another cake in their hands because I really like cake.
←Rate | 09-19-2012 21:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one.
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


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