Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   If you think my jokes are bad, you should see my choice in women.

   "There's strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.

   My diet can be best described as carb loading for a marathon I'll never run.

   Just ate a salad when I could've eaten a cheeseburger. Where's my reward? I should get an award, right? Maybe a cheeseburger.

   Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.

   I'm at the age where I am about to make a dentist a lot of money.

   I’m suffering complications following my birth

   Women just don't get it, That men just don't get it.

   If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.

   Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don't have long to live.

   Hell nah I’m not clicking on page two of any article online. It’s online. Your stupid story should fit one webpage however long it is.

   I didn't have any girl to spoil for Christmas this year so my bank balance is looking healthy.

   It's either you wear crocs or you have a sex life. Can't have both.

   I'm clingy, but not " Simon Cowell's t-shirt" clingy.

   Whenever I see a happy couple, smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love, I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.

   Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.

   Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.

   I call the other side of my bed the Passenger side. It only makes sense.

   The more selfies she has, the more times you'll have to tell her she's pretty everyday.

   You don't have to believe in a book to be a nice person and treat people right.