Joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon headed out for a quiet beer. Followed by ten noisy ones...
←Rate | 07-07-2010 17:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon F*ck Earth Day. I used to be a planet too. - Pluto
←Rate | 04-22-2010 13:09 by Joser Comments (2)  


   messageicon Condom says to Tampax.."You put me outta Business for 1 week a month. Tampax says to Condom..."If you don't do your job I lose mine for 9 months."
←Rate | 04-28-2010 13:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon A trip to Wal-Mart is all the proof I need that ugly isn't an effective means of birth control
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The gang war between the squirrels and the raccoons must be escalating, based on the number of drive-by victims on the side of the road.
←Rate | 06-24-2010 23:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon After all these years, I'm surprised nobody at CSI has found the light switch in their office.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 18:56 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just figured out that my asshole neighbor is using my Wi-Fi network. I'm gonna change the networks name to "I f*cked your wife".
←Rate | 04-30-2010 18:51 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't worry about people from your past, There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
←Rate | 05-24-2010 11:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear BP, None of this would've happened if you had hired the best deep core drilling team -- Bruce Willis, Owen Wilson, Ben Affleck, and the big black guy from Green Mile.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 13:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Match.com says it's responsible for more dates leading to marriages that any other online site. And yet, it has no warning label.
←Rate | 06-02-2010 14:04 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I laid awake all night again worrying about why I'm always so tired
←Rate | 06-24-2010 23:24 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing I hate more than people who make fun of other people is people who don't laugh when I do it.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon once cops get smart enough to put a breathalyzer test at the end of a Taco Bell drive-thru WE'RE ALL SCREWED!
←Rate | 05-21-2010 18:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stupid bloody garbage trucks waking me up at noon.
←Rate | 05-20-2010 16:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus, not a Ford Multi-task.
←Rate | 05-18-2010 12:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm waiting for the day Ziploc quits the pretentiousness with the sandwiches and just starts putting weed right on the box.
←Rate | 05-06-2010 21:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity...
←Rate | 06-26-2010 14:25 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relax. If you didn't want me knocking it over, why the hell did you write "tip jar" on it? Just for that, I'm taking my 15 cents back...
←Rate | 04-22-2010 09:05 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon OH NO! I'm sorry. I thought it was lime that heals all wounds. That must really sting.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (2)  


   messageicon The Revolutionary War went on for like 8 years, yet we settle for a 3 day weekend? The founders would be so disappointed.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:38 by Joser Comments (0)  




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