Joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I have the same body I've always had. Adjusted for inflation, of course...
←Rate | 05-27-2010 13:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never tipped a cow. Then again, one has never served me food.
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The gang war between the squirrels and the raccoons must be escalating, based on the number of drive-by victims on the side of the road.
←Rate | 06-24-2010 23:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon After all these years, I'm surprised nobody at CSI has found the light switch in their office.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 18:56 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon F*ck Earth Day. I used to be a planet too. - Pluto
←Rate | 04-22-2010 13:09 by Joser Comments (2)  


   messageicon Condom says to Tampax.."You put me outta Business for 1 week a month. Tampax says to Condom..."If you don't do your job I lose mine for 9 months."
←Rate | 04-28-2010 13:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was going to go to the gym and run 7 miles this morning to continue trying to look good but then I remembered I own Photoshop.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 13:27 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon A trip to Wal-Mart is all the proof I need that ugly isn't an effective means of birth control
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't worry about people from your past, There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
←Rate | 05-24-2010 11:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear BP, None of this would've happened if you had hired the best deep core drilling team -- Bruce Willis, Owen Wilson, Ben Affleck, and the big black guy from Green Mile.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 13:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Match.com says it's responsible for more dates leading to marriages that any other online site. And yet, it has no warning label.
←Rate | 06-02-2010 14:04 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I laid awake all night again worrying about why I'm always so tired
←Rate | 06-24-2010 23:24 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing I hate more than people who make fun of other people is people who don't laugh when I do it.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon once cops get smart enough to put a breathalyzer test at the end of a Taco Bell drive-thru WE'RE ALL SCREWED!
←Rate | 05-21-2010 18:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stupid bloody garbage trucks waking me up at noon.
←Rate | 05-20-2010 16:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon One night stands in hotel rooms just don't do it for me anymore. ...That's why I always ask for a bed with two night stands.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus, not a Ford Multi-task.
←Rate | 05-18-2010 12:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm waiting for the day Ziploc quits the pretentiousness with the sandwiches and just starts putting weed right on the box.
←Rate | 05-06-2010 21:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity...
←Rate | 06-26-2010 14:25 by Joser Comments (0)  


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