Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon How can you tell if a man is blind at a nudist colony? It's not hard.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 00:27 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm getting so old, I need to take a nap so I'll have the energy to go to bed. :)
←Rate | 02-22-2018 02:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . My mother in-law is drowning, I've informed emergency services. Hope they get my letter in time to save her.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 01:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend ask me why I haven't married yet. I said if I didn't have to live with my wife I would get married.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 20:30 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's nagging started right on cue. "Stand up straight..... Don't sluch..... Look at me when I'm talking to you." I don't know why I keep rewatching our wedding tape.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 08:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spent alot of time trying to get all of my eldest relatives together in one room with no luck............. Then BINGO
←Rate | 05-25-2018 22:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Father inlaw: A priest who is also a lawyer.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:24 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Losing your wife can be difficult. I know because I've been trying to lose mine for years.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After just winning a four month battle with my oven clock it's dayligit saving time and back to the battle.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 19:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Divorce: A legal document for married people to hate each other.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:36 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boss at meeting said it would nice if you employees would start showing me a little respect. One employee replied oh we show you as little respect as possible.
←Rate | 06-08-2018 16:10 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says "good luck with that" are they being nice or sarcastic?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 22:58 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wives are like newspapers. They have a new issue every day
←Rate | 07-29-2018 06:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You always hear the wife complain about their husband leaving the toilet seat up. But you'll never hear the husband complain about the wife leaving the toilet seat down.
←Rate | 07-30-2018 03:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The real reason Trump has fired so many people is, he really likes eating their going away cake.
←Rate | 03-15-2018 01:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon While weighting my self on the bathroom scale I sucked in my gut. My wife laugh and said do you think that's help you weigh less ? I said no but it does help me to see how much I weigh.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 23:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
←Rate | 06-29-2018 23:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been hard at work all day today. I accidentally took a viagra pill in stead of my vitamin this morning.
←Rate | 06-20-2018 18:52 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kids treat me like a god. They ignore my existence untill they need something.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 00:27 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A university's study of the human brain said the only difference between a wowan's brain and a man's brain is that the woman's brain is located in their head.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 23:01 by Jake Comments (0)  




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