@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Time flies when you're having beer.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 21:03 by @The69Sheriff Comments (2)  


   messageicon This may be the wine talking but... "Help! He's drinking me.., he's drinking me!"
←Rate | 04-26-2011 20:45 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a goldfish... named it after my ex-girlfriend and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
←Rate | 03-22-2011 15:28 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my fortune cookie said "You will die a violent death today," I would still add "in bed" to the end and laugh.
←Rate | 06-13-2011 16:34 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering why he must think of himself in the third-person to change his status.
←Rate | 01-27-2011 20:36 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just watched an erectile dysfunction commercial for ten minutes before I realized it was Entourage.
←Rate | 05-19-2011 15:26 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look... if you have both toilet paper and bath towels in your bathroom... I am going to assume you are giving me a choice.
←Rate | 05-27-2011 15:41 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon These red lights never give me enough time to finish my Facebook status upda
←Rate | 02-21-2011 13:30 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I get called for jury duty.., I wear my American flag onesie so the lawyers know my brand of justice is pure.
←Rate | 05-02-2011 14:41 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only sex tape I'm familiar with is duct tape.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 20:57 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon The slogan "America runs on Dunkin'" pretty much sums up where we are as a country.
←Rate | 05-16-2011 21:15 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon The doctor called me in his office and said be positive. I said why doc what's wrong? He said nothing... that's your blood type.
←Rate | 06-11-2011 17:29 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went bowling last night.... because I like jamming my thumb where a million other people have jammed their thumbs.
←Rate | 04-28-2011 12:12 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just unlocked the "Restraining Order" badge by stalking people who use 4square.
←Rate | 06-29-2011 17:11 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time I go to the opera... I'm taking my own fat lady in case I need to leave early.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 16:44 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what is better than dry shampoo? Showering.
←Rate | 04-26-2011 20:45 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon ... and then confuse people into thinking it's the rest of your previous status update when it isn't.
←Rate | 06-08-2011 14:54 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure Knick, Knack and Patty Whack have given me the bone today.
←Rate | 06-11-2011 17:27 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, I want to be cremated regardless of cost... I feel like I've urned it.
←Rate | 06-10-2011 22:20 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't accept blame well... but it's not my fault.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 21:02 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  




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