Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Change is inevitable... Unless your a vending machine

   now listed as single but in a relationship,its complicated.

   wishes he could throw magic dust on my problems to make them disappear. Like a wizard. Or a crack addict.

   needs a Facebook button that says "What you just posted makes me want to stab you."

   to all the wackos who believe in global warming try coming to Idaho in the middle of March..It'll snow

   informing you that 95% of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5% that would shout Jump!!

   and Richard Simmons are now friends

   wants to Google her Myspace while she Twitters my Yahoo.

   wants to say to the nice stranger he saw while driving around, "Next time you wave at me, use all of your fingers."

   two wrongs don't make a right... but two Wrights make an airplane!

   may have Memory Loss but, at least he doesn't have Memory Loss

   an appetite for destruction...and he is starving this week

   in trouble for moving all the bibles to the fiction section at Barnes 'N Noble

   knows he was unwanted as a child when he found his bath toys were a radio and a toaster!

   shot a man in Reno just to watch him die

   playing a Rusty Trombone

   the person your mom warned you about!

   would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

   got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

   wondering what the hell Jesus ever did for Santa on his Birthday?