Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i love gummy bears cuz they dont attack when you chew their heads off

   What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

   doesn't understand what the fascination is with Camping...You work hard all year to pay your Mortgage/Rent, only to spend your vacation pretending you're Homeless

   loving his new padded room,

   For sale 57" flat screen TV 200 Quid Only defect is the volume button is broke.....For that price you can't turn it down!

   watching paint dry

   going to be in such good shape now that he found these WII fit Cheat codes!

   destroyed his periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of supprise

   has logged out. You missed him by mere minutes

   would give his right arm to be ambidexious

   Bob the builder! can we fix it?!!......no this time we're screwed

   thinking 'if girls had 'mute' buttons!!'

   What if there were no hypothetical questions?

   knows Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words...

   Asks .... Why dont they make mouse flavoured cat food?

   Give Yourself a Haircut Tip # 1: Don't

   wishes his lawn was emo, then maybe it would cut itself.

   wondering...DO SHEEP SHRINK IN THE RAIN?

   Who decided that a round pizza should be put in a square box?

   frustrated that he knows all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask him the questions.