Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks the fine people at Aleve are very wise indeed. For headaches, take two Aleve, and keep away from children.

   Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.

   If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

   waiting for MTV to check out my crib...

   the heart of a little boy....on a jar on my desk.

   was trying to live the "Sorority Life" in "Farmville", but got caught up in the "Mafia Wars" at "Farmtown".....now my "Farkle" is all "Bejeweled" up!!!!!...help!!!!!

   Marriage is Love, yet love is blind....Does that mean marriage is an institution for the blind???

   so good, I can cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.

   believes a day spent wasted is never a wasted day!

   wants to be adopted by Madonna too

   stares at you when you're asleep.

   It takes 10 people to change a lightbulb because 9 of us are on Facebook.

   am I the only person who thinks Michael Jackson isn't dead ..... he's just hiding with Elvis.

   created an idiot proof facebook status, click >HERE< to see it

   in a relationship with Farrah. X changed his relationship status to "complicated

   Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to the prophecy"

   I hear MJ was on a number of rx drugs, weighed 112lbs, and could barely speak moments before his death. where can I get my wife that prescription?

   hopes he can buy Billy Mays beard, that thang is magnificent!

   I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act!

   counting it down..only 54749 days until Bernie Madoff gets out of Jail.