Funny Status Messages
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correction: says confidence is the way to a woman's heart, or atleast into her pants 
wondering... if my mom fell down in the woods would all the trees laugh?
if a white NFL player spanked his kid, then that would be ok according to the dorks here
Karate is a Japanese word that means "My kid can't hit a baseball."
Dear women's basketball, your 15 minutes of fame is over. See you in a few years.
You know it was a rough night when your iPhone X doesn't recognize your face in the morning...
didn't attend the funeral, but she sent a nice letter saying she approved of it.
When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.
Don't spell part backwards.. it's a trap
Prepare for what you can't Predict & Adapt for what you can't Control.
Family guy, in its satire, does convey a lot serious real world issues. "Archer", used the name IZEZ(spelling intended) much before. It's writers are from the most dramatic nation ever (Juice). Definitely this organization is created by one of them
you must work for Malaysia air because you make all my worries disappear.
Maybe if Brady's wife gave him half heared BJ's, he would understand the depth of his cheating.
Waze "Beep Beep" is the new Facebook "Poke"
Columbia is going to invade phillipians......um did I spell that right? After watching the Pageant ...Im confused also
*gets can of compressed air & cleans inside computer*....all my friends are online so I just gave all my friends a blow job
This Halloween I am going as a Bacon Ninja... not sure how to do it, but it sounds funny.
Look on the bright side The driver in jet dryer #2 truck should be safe, Juan Pablo isn't in a car any more... WoW what a bunch of red necks uesing Tide to wash the track lmao
Hey if life hand's you lemons , you better find someone that life handed sugar and water ,or your lemonaide is gonna taste like crap...
All this news about Zombies you better go get your Zombie vaccinations.. 