Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like to title my documents "The World" so I can feel great when I click Save

   ****This message has been censored by Beijing*****

   pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool wit your pants on the ground

   learnt that 'practice makes perfect' does not apply to knife juggling

   Sad Fact Of Life #208- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.

   thinks throwback week is almost as much fun as post your bra color week.

   did anyone ever find out what The Rock was cooking? I always hoped it was lasagne

   the economy is soo bad that The Mafia is laying off judges...

   been so depressed thinking about the economy I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

   can't get this nicorette stuff lit.

   gave old clothes for Haïti today. It's not much but it's much more helpful than prayers. People in Haïti don't need your useless prayers. They need concrete help!

   needs some more girl's phone numbers so far I have my mom's, grandma's, and aunt's.

   thinks Ty Pennington and Extreme Makeover Home Edition has a couple years worth of shows in Haiti

   a justification for procrastination. Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Delay may give clearer light as to what is best to be done.

   thinks that you can only be young once, but you can always be immature.

   "I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead."

   quotes, "The two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change." ~ Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy)

   No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed

   ohhh I have 2 headaches, and being a guy I can only supply enough blood to one of them..... sigh

   The U.S. is always helping out other countries in their time of need, well I think its safe to say that the U.S. needs help....were's our relief funds?!