Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   One thing I've learned: I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say will be misquoted, then used against me.

   Trust that little voice in your head that says “Wouldn't it be interesting if..”; And then do it.

   well god already hates me cause I dint 4wrd mail to 25 friends of mine. I will never be a wealthy man cause I dint 4wrd another mail of happy wealth to another 25 friends.i will never get the love of my life cause I dint 4wrd love chain mail to another 2

   If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.

   I think Kayne West sould make an appearance on the Jay Leno Show and be like... "I'll let you get back to your show in a minute I just wanna say Conan O'brien has a much better show"

   who said that men can't multitask. I can talk and listen to myself at the same time.

   thinks if in this day and age Mary had a little lamb, the doctor would go, "Damn! another artificial insemination gone wrong, SOMEONE KEEP THE ANIMAL SPECIMENS IN ANOTHER FREEZER"!!!!

   There are two rules for success: #1. Don't tell all you know.

   Please please God, will you still love me if I don't forward the annoying chain e-mail I got to 25 of my friends?

   knows that your girlfriend is not taking piano classes on sundays

   just got the weather report, and yes, it is snowing in Hell right now, with patches of ice forming. Is that arrogant, entitled, snobby, noble, self-righteous, arrogant attitude back firing on you much, Coakley?

   why is it that every year during the ANNUAL solar eclipse comes it is always once in a MILLENIUM

   well I rather tell the truth that draws a tear than a lie that draws a smile

   What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

   just enrolled in Lost University

   wondering why they keep midget porn on the top shelf?

   just stole the lint outta your dryer to create a snuggie

   Im Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good ;)

   I have had many friends posting random thoughts. So here I go. If you are in a canoe flying over the grand canyon and a tire falls off how many pancakes does it take to fix a dog house orange elephants dont like ice cream.. Just a thought. :)

   A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.