Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   this just in....former President Clinton is in the hospital with heart complications. Guess being a pu$$y hound caught up to him.

   facebook the place where people change there profile picture more then they do there underwear

   I think Facebook has some serious self-conscious issues...either that or it's being run by Heidi Montag...enough with the changes!!! You were so money the way you were...

   Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles and nerve impulses sent from my brain

   reckons anti-wrinkle cream doesn't work. If it did, women wouldn't have any fingerprints

   Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles

   Can't wait for Valentines Day so I can get that pre-printed card, written by someone else, and a stale box of chocolates because Hallmark is telling him to do it! How romantic!

   Valentines Day...The perfect day to buy your "someone special" a card with someone else's words and overpriced flowers. Ahhh, who said romance is gone?

   All you need is love. And Valentines Day is the perfect time to buy lots of things to prove it.

   Life was much simpler when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.

   "Ok Brain: I don't like you and you dont't like me, but this time we have to work toghet....DAMN! He's running awaritnfdnsfoeinlsjerfjsgrjjdfks..."

   believes the NFL will support Haiti by sending over 10 million "Indianapolis Colts 2010 Super Bowl Champions" t-shirts!

   Dear Mr. City Plow Guy, I'd like to actually go to work in the morning so for a change can you maybe not make another Giant Ice mound at the end of my Driveway? For an added bonus could you use some salt on my road instead of just flatting out the snow.

   When she asked me "What kind of idiot are you?" it took me awhile to realize it wasn't a Facebook quiz.

   I played a country music song backwards. I got my truck back,my house back,my dog back..

   its better to loved and lost then to live with the psycho for the rest of your life.

   Arite guys, celebrity doppelgänger week is over. Take down these beautiful celebrities and let's see your ugly faces again.

   Send me your FarmVille invitation... So, I can have it foreclosed and evicted by the end of the day.

   Rest in Peace Captain Phil...I guess catching crabs can really kill you!!!

   If the meaning of life is the greatest mystery of all, why don't we put Matlock on the case? You know what I'm talking about…AWWW YEAH