nunthewizr Funny Status Messages

   I wish people would be honest in their FB posts, like, "Happy birthday to my slightly less than average looking kind of friend, Jenny."

   Damn you, books on shelves that don't activate a secret door.

   Ever see someone in a hurry and they do that last little mad dash to their final destination? How much time does that save.....2.3 seconds?

   I think it's impossible to play the Wii without looking like you're competing in a relay race for the Special Olympics.

   Swimming in the pool counts as a shower, right?!?

   So....she said I was as smooth as Ken. That's a good thing, right?!?

   You'd think the only people on Earth who could teleport would be working for the military instead of State Farm.

   I wouldn't say that I'm really a bad dancer more like....overly Caucasian.

   Just finished everything that I had on my To Do list for today which was just a drawing of a set of boobs on a Post It note.

   Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.

   You can workout and brag about your muscles all you want but it still isn't going to make you any taller.

   I wonder if clouds look down on us and say stuff like "That one's shaped like an idiot."

   Walmart Guy: Sir, it should take about thirty minutes for your oil change. If you want to do some shopping, we will call your name out over the loudspeaker when we are finished. Me: If you want to live, you will not call my name out over the loudspeaker.

   it me or are 75% of the people that use handicap parking spots not suffering from a handicap at all???

   Today's fun: Knock on random doors and say, "Hi, my name is Current Resident, and I've been told you're the jerk who has been opening all my mail."

   The grass may be greener on the other side, but you'll eventually have to mow it:)

   You know....spooning leads to forking right?

   As a white person, I was offended on just how "white" the cast in Twilight Eclipse were.

   The saddest part about my neighbor demanding I not serve booze to her kids is finding out they're not cool dwarfs who like to party.

   The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, speak of, mention, discuss, or chat about Thesaurus Club.