flipphonescott Funny Status Messages

   today was a female canine kind of a day!

   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE 2 GUYS THAT STOLE A CALENDER ? THEY BOTH GOT 6 MONTHS!!!

   WHATS THE NAME OF THE SHOW WHERE THEY CATCH CRABS " JERSEY SHORE"

   alone with my thoughts and 8 lbs of reeses cups and kit kats

   i put my phone on plane mode and then it kicked my ass!

   ever take a poop so big your pants fit better!

   thats the last time I buy Sushi from the dollar store!

   MY GOAL FOR 2016 IS JUST DO LIFE BETTER!

   Come on ‪#‎Chevy‬ just one commercial break without Kid Rock

   so....I almost got beat up in jail last night !....my family takes Monopoly very seriously....

   2,4,6,8 Wichita is not a state!

   Ever watch the tv show 2 broke girls and get jealous of their bank account

   I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected “

   kids at the front door selling drugs!!!! I got 3 boxes of thin mints coming!

   wow danica patrick just got a rubber in the rear end in vegas on tv!

   i have completed 38 of the 50 shades of grey

   If the colts go 0 and 14 should we rest are starters for the playoffs?

   Maybe Mother Nature wants to be a dirty girl!

   I went to a Gay picnic once , the music was good , decorations were just lovely . The Beer was cold , hamburgers were just delicious but the hot dogs tasted like crap .

   Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...