equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   "i would do anything for love, but I won't do that...or that, or that, or that, or that, or that"

   Which one of you ladies wants to be my next mistake?

   Its so awkward meeting new people. Especially when they go in for a handshake and you go in for an open-mouth kiss. Anyway, his name was Jeff... and he's a Seahawks fan

   Do Amish murderers get the acoustic chair?

   Jesus paid for your sins. Make sure he gets his moneys worth!

   Florida....Where America goes to die.

   Never faked a sarcasm in my life.

   I found the pot at the end of the rainbow, and I smoked it!

   I had a dream that I killed all of the shirtless guys with their own swag...and their duckface girlfriends....I call it the YOLOcaust.

   so powerful that a single one of my pubic hairs could shut down an entire restaraunt for a week!

   I organized a threesome last night. There was a couple of no shows but I still had a great time!

   I love spending money as much as my government does.

   I suffer from amnesia and dejavu...I think I have forgotten this before...

   The only difference between a Rectal Thermometor and an oral one is the taste.

   it doesn't matter if you don't like my personality... I have several more!

   I'd tell you to kiss my @ss but you'd probably fall in love with it and stalk me.

   I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon. I think I'm going to be pretty good at it!

   It gives me collywobbles to admit this but most of what I post is purely flibbertigibbet. It's not that I think you to be a gobemouche, i'm just a pettifogger and a slangwanger. I'm not a snollygoster, I just love to bloviate. Thanks for understanding!

   My pet rock didn't wake up this this morning....gonna have to bury it.

   I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET.