equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   "i would do anything for love, but I won't do that...or that, or that, or that, or that, or that"

   Which one of you ladies wants to be my next mistake?

   Its so awkward meeting new people. Especially when they go in for a handshake and you go in for an open-mouth kiss. Anyway, his name was Jeff... and he's a Seahawks fan

   Do Amish murderers get the acoustic chair?

   Jesus paid for your sins. Make sure he gets his moneys worth!

   Florida....Where America goes to die.

   Never faked a sarcasm in my life.

   I found the pot at the end of the rainbow, and I smoked it!

   I had a dream that I killed all of the shirtless guys with their own swag...and their duckface girlfriends....I call it the YOLOcaust.

   so powerful that a single one of my pubic hairs could shut down an entire restaraunt for a week!

   I organized a threesome last night. There was a couple of no shows but I still had a great time!

   I love spending money as much as my government does.

   I suffer from amnesia and dejavu...I think I have forgotten this before...

   The only difference between a Rectal Thermometor and an oral one is the taste.

   My pet rock didn't wake up this this morning....gonna have to bury it.

   it doesn't matter if you don't like my personality... I have several more!

   I'd tell you to kiss my @ss but you'd probably fall in love with it and stalk me.

   I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon. I think I'm going to be pretty good at it!

   It gives me collywobbles to admit this but most of what I post is purely flibbertigibbet. It's not that I think you to be a gobemouche, i'm just a pettifogger and a slangwanger. I'm not a snollygoster, I just love to bloviate. Thanks for understanding!

   I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET.