Zinc Funny Status Messages

   My parent's kitchen was designed with 11 light switches, all of which turn on the garbage disposal if you're trying to be quiet

   thinks Google Maps needs an "Avoid Ghetto" option.

   I totally get why women are attracted to men who ride motorcycles. Like you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a lot.

   undefeated at BattleShip. Mostly because I stack my ships on top of one another.

   The only real model we have for a trump presidency is the movie "first kid"

   If you like christmas so much why don’t you merry it

   4/04 Day Not Found.

   I just drank some food color, now I think I'm dyeing inside.

   Everyone I know is either getting married or pregnant, I'm just getting drunk

   Mmmmm. . .pi.

   I don't have an entitlement problem. I have a problem with not getting everything I want out of life.

   Yay Ground hogs day is on TV. Yay ground hogs day is on TV.

   If God wanted us to save money for retirement he wouldn't have invented online shopping

   GOP budget to slash disease research? Now we'll NEVER find a cure for Bieber Fever!

   Alcohol doesn't solve problems, but neither does milk

   This morning, I got robbed in the shower by some soap scum.

   admits that the Nazis were terrible, but look on the bright side: At least we got some awesome Indiana Jones movies out of it.

   I find it weird that restraining orders don't specify what kind of restraints to use.

   Call me old fashioned, but on some nights there's nothing quite like curling up next to my kindle fire with a good eBook.

   I've got some terrible news: FOX