Jbabcock Funny Status Messages

   Everyone talks about a Smartalec. Sadly the Dumbalecs remain unmentioned.

   Most husbands often fantasize about Googling their Twitter on their wife's Facebook. Married reality for me is that she wont even look at Myspace anymore.

   Why is it that when your not supposed to laugh everything is HILARIOUS?

   A true pervert can tell always tell you about the hottest centerfold that he has ever come across.

   Wow Pepsi didnt put "Under God" on their new Pledge of Allegiance Can. They don't want to offend any one with the phrase. Well Pepsi I promise not to give you any coins or bills with "In God We Trust" on them. I dont want to offend you or anything.

   The 12th beer of a 12 pack always tastes a little bit like I'm calling off tomorrow.

   Whoever coined the phrase "The Buck stops here" has obviously never ever carried my poor wallet!

   "When life handed ME lemonaid I turned it into Hard Lemonaid"- Mike

   All my Wargaming Buddies need to keep this in mind: The game is just ga without me..

   Restaraunt pagers for long waits can be fun. Just ask to use the toilet while waiting then apologize to the Hostess for dropping it in the really messy toilet as youre seated. Note the look on her face and have fun reliving that moment as you finally eat

   I wonder if Professional Boxers ever tell their friends that they are "as pleased as punch."

   It cracks me up that most people who say "you don't know sh!t from Shinola" don't know what hell Shinola is in the first place.

   Product Surveys suggest 4 out of 5 women will use any brand of facial tissue to blow there noses. The other one is just picky.

   The board game "Sorry' has done nothing but help several generations of Americans say that particular word like a true smart@ss.

   Bazaar Magazine's new cover features Lady Gaga on it without any makeup or crazy wigs on. P Diddy says she needs to change her name like he did. Might I suggest Lady Gag Gag?

   I'm amazed at how much I reminisce about you, especially when I'm dropping a load.

   When I realized that a bus stops at a bus station and a train stops at a train station, I finally understood why my boss calls his desk a "Work Station".

   Told one of my favorite co-workers she drew her eyebrows on a little too high one morning a few years back. I've never forgotten how surprised she looked.

   I think the phrase "Cop an Attitude" is totally ironic considering most cops I've ever come across have sh*tty attitudes.

   Nothing says “I need a swift steel-toed kick to the crotch!” like people who silently watch and say nothing as someone is bullied... Except maybe parents who give their children weird @ss names.