JAB Funny Status Messages

   A single male friend of mine is looking for a woman who can actually suck a golf ball through a garden hose. . .

   My definition of RAP: Rotten Audio Products

   Does anyone realize the people running the planet are ruining the planet, or is it just me. . .

   If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year. . .

   I used to be f#cking stupid, but her and I broke up about 10 years ago. . .

   I gave Santa Chocolate Laxative chip cookies...

   Ladies, I'm renting myself out tonight, who needs a New Years Eve Date. . .

   Don't take life laying down. That is, unless you're a prostitute. . .

   My favorite holiday is, National Egg Salad Lunch Monday. . .

   If I were of Chinese descend and a multi Millionaire. I would change my name to Cha Ching. . .

   Ever have one of those nights you were almost involved in a threesome, but one hand fell asleep. . .

   I can't wait to hear Donald trump say: Obama, you're fired !

   Roses are red, violets are blue, a case of beer costs less than dinner for two. . .

   Today marks the two year anniversary of the end of the world... and I am still waiting. . .

   it too late to claim that I invented the wheel. . .

   Black Beatles Lives Matter. Black Eyed Peas Matter. Black Leather Jackets Matter. Now Black Off And Leave Me The F#ck Alone. . .

   If Zombies eat brains, I know a lot of people who have nothing to worry about. . .

   The saying goes, there's someone out there for everyone. Maybe your someone is way out there, on another planet. . .

   I do not need to be reminded it's the 5th of May in a different language. . .

   I tried to buy a zebra from the zoo and I was told it was not for sale. I said it should be it has bar codes all over it. . .