GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   I pay attention to who reacts on my posts, because as soon as I get rich I'm buying you all tacos.

   I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do... It's because I missed my exit.

   I am the reason Santa has a naughty list.

   All these galaxies and planets and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

   Dear Santa: For Christmas this year I want a fat bank account and a slim body with sexy abs, but let's not get it mixed up like you did last year.

   Dear Black Friday: We all have big screen tvs. Put those groceries on sale.

   I don't feel like I'm getting older. It's more like my warranty has expired and my parts are wearing out.

   I can't dance to save my life, but when I step in dog crap, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.

   We should have a national quiet day where everyone just shuts up for 24 hours.

   Marriage tip: If your wife comes home in a bad mood and starts an argument for no reason like she does from time to time, just use this simple phrase: "My mom was right about you". This usually does the trick and stops the argument.

   Sometimes I don't feel like going to work... But then I remember I was born cute, not rich.

   I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn't wear deodorant.

   My ex told me: You'll never find anyone like me. I said: That's the goal.

   I need to stop talking to myself. I'm a bad influence.

   You know it's going to be a bad day when your imaginary friend files a restraining order on you.

   Disney has a new movie coming out on Disney + tomorrow. Tinker Tinkerbell meets her brother, Taco.

   Here's how I define marriage: Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

   It takes skill to trip over cordless phones!

   I can handle most things in life. But hearing someone chew their food is not one of them.

   Don't buy plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's terrible for the environment. Locally sourced all natural skeletons are more environmentally friendly.