GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   It's amazing how Facebook can spot a fake post but can't spot a fake profile.

   If I can make at least one person smile, pee their pants a little or maybe spit out a drink, then my day was not wasted!

   I am the reason why Santa has a naughty list.

   I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower but I am trying to stay positive.

   Nothing brings neighbors together quite like cop cars in front of another neighbor's house.

   Dear Santa! Listen here! I'll keep eating my deer jerky while you give me what I want for Christmas or Rudolph is next. Make it happen fat man!

   First rule of family gatherings, always bring your own vehicle so you can leave when you want.

   Procrastination really is a good thing. You always have something to do tomorrow, plus you have nothing to do today.

   First rule of family gatherings: Always bring your own vehicle so you can leave whenever you want.

   Christmas and Thanksgiving should be at least 6 months apart. It's insane to see these people again so soon. Absurd.

   I pay attention to who reacts on my posts, because as soon as I get rich I'm buying you all tacos.

   I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do... It's because I missed my exit.

   I am the reason Santa has a naughty list.

   All these galaxies and planets and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

   Dear Black Friday: We all have big screen tvs. Put those groceries on sale.

   Dear Santa: For Christmas this year I want a fat bank account and a slim body with sexy abs, but let's not get it mixed up like you did last year.

   Before we work on artificial intelligence, why don't we do something about natural stupidity?

   I can't dance to save my life, but when I step in dog crap, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.

   I don't feel like I'm getting older. It's more like my warranty has expired and my parts are wearing out.

   We should have a national quiet day where everyone just shuts up for 24 hours.