Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages

   If I didn't have internet I'd be asleep 4hrs earlier every night!

   They should blast the Oscar Meyer Weiner Song non-stop into Jerry Sandusky's cell for the 400yrs he's in there!!!

   Let me in, Let me in, Let me in! I need to go back out again!----My Dog!

   I decorated my bedroom to look like a classroom so I can fall asleep faster!

   Dogs don't care if Bacon is crispy or not!

   Hey I found your nose! It was in everyone elses business again!!!

   Relax........Let's get back to the important things in life! Like stealing eachothers status!

   it poontang or puddingtang?.....I need to know real fast this English Composition is due today!!!

   During the opening Olympic ceramony I thought the Chinese uniforms looked pretty good!....And the ones worn by the Chinese team weren't too bad either!!!

   ''Mommy does Barbie come with Ken?'' ......''No sweetheart she comes with G.I.Joe, she just fakes it with Ken!!!''

   When you are a kid, ''I'm going to tell your mom!'' is the scariest sentence ever!!!

   If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!!

   At a Hotal a Man accidentally bumps into a Woman beside him and as he does his elbow touches her Brea$t. The man says ''Ma'am if your heart is as soft as your brea$t I know you'll forgive me!'' Her ''If your Pen!$ is as hard as your elbow I'm in room 436

   I'm not Crazy, I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a Lunatic!!!

   16 and a Olympian > 16 and Pregnent

   If my Boobs sag any more people are going to think they are nuts!

   Women are just like cartons of Orange Juice! It's not the size or shape that matters. Or even how sweet the juice is. It's getting those Fking flaps open!!!

   There's no better feeling than proving someone wrong!

   If you want to be successful in life just tell yourself this each morning ''I am smart. intelligent, qualified. now if a job wuld just come available I'll get it!!!''

   Kris Humphries of the Nets signed a 2yr $24 Million Dollar contract! Not bad considering the Nets are owned by Jay-Z, who's bestfriend is Kanye West, who is banging Humphries ex-wife!!!