Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon wife: Why did you drink all the rum? me: I lost the cap
←Rate | 06-21-2018 16:48 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I suggest we eat pizza and someone says something stupid like "No, I had pizza yesterday," I just nod like I understand, but inside my head I have murdered the person a thousand times.
←Rate | 01-04-2017 08:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman's cleavage tells you the amount and type of attention she needs.
←Rate | 02-27-2014 08:15 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'm a woman, not a sex object" - said a woman to herself as she put on a push-up bra.
←Rate | 06-13-2013 09:27 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey douchebag. Women like men with an accent, not an Axe scent
←Rate | 07-17-2013 12:53 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somewhere someone's therapist knows you.
←Rate | 11-24-2014 09:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
←Rate | 11-01-2013 14:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't, under any circumstance, believe I'll return your Tupperware.
←Rate | 12-10-2014 07:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still think I'm in my 20s sometimes...until I try to do something like I'm in my 20s.
←Rate | 06-06-2015 10:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
←Rate | 10-18-2013 02:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Disappointment usually stems from expecting too much from strangers on Facebook.
←Rate | 07-15-2014 00:30 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd love to come to your holiday party and stare at my phone all night.
←Rate | 12-17-2014 13:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
←Rate | 09-05-2014 13:22 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People think that in Africa we ride lions and elephants to work. That's ridiculous, we don't have jobs.
←Rate | 05-05-2014 02:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We used to watch the news to find out the truth. If you're looking for the truth now, the last thing you'd want to watch is the news.
←Rate | 08-18-2013 11:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you like her, tell her. Don't friendzone yourself. Have some balls. Be a man.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 14:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it comes to a recipe for a disaster, some people thrive on being the main ingredient.
←Rate | 03-02-2014 09:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when the whole Internet mourns someone’s death & I have to Google them to find out if they were a politician, an athlete or a Muppet.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 12:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  




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