Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I hate when the whole Internet mourns someone’s death & I have to Google them to find out if they were a politician, an athlete or a Muppet.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 12:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
←Rate | 10-19-2014 09:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
←Rate | 09-08-2013 08:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're looking for me to be more tasteful and tender, marinate me in whiskey.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 12:28 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of these girls look like they masturbate to their own selfies.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 12:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 13:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can Walmart be a feeling? I'm pretty sure that's how I'm feeling today.
←Rate | 10-29-2014 12:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This Facebook is really cutting into my other time wasting activities.
←Rate | 06-17-2014 09:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like people the most when I'm by myself.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 01:23 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its not stretching if it doesn't involve crazy dinosaur noises.
←Rate | 11-30-2013 06:12 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip: when you wake up, reach for your GF's boobs before reaching for your phone to check your Facebook. Women love that.
←Rate | 01-11-2014 00:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, those diamonds in your teeth are shiny, but your vocabulary is still limited and now you have a speech impediment.
←Rate | 03-05-2014 12:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "There's strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
←Rate | 03-27-2015 12:10 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
←Rate | 05-07-2014 10:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think my jokes are bad, you should see my choice in women.
←Rate | 12-06-2013 04:14 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I graduated at the top of my anger management class
←Rate | 10-25-2017 02:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just ate a salad when I could've eaten a cheeseburger. Where's my reward? I should get an award, right? Maybe a cheeseburger.
←Rate | 06-23-2016 16:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My diet can be best described as carb loading for a marathon I'll never run.
←Rate | 05-29-2017 11:22 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women just don't get it, That men just don't get it.
←Rate | 09-05-2013 12:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hell nah I’m not clicking on page two of any article online. It’s online. Your stupid story should fit one webpage however long it is.
←Rate | 09-06-2016 01:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


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