Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 6 of 6036

   messageicon If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
←Rate | 07-28-2018 23:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!
←Rate | 08-28-2018 09:05 by Stevielea Comments (2)  


   messageicon It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 02:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i bought an awesome watch the other day, It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.
←Rate | 09-23-2018 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can say "Have a nice day!" with no problem but you can't say "Enjoy the next 24 hours." without sounding mildly threatening.
←Rate | 10-13-2018 22:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't accept any friend requests from Taco Bell.. they're nacho friends
←Rate | 10-15-2018 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For $5 you can either get your girl approximately 2 flowers from a florist OR you can get her an ENTIRE costco rotisserie chicken. that’s all I'm sayin. the choice is yours
←Rate | 10-21-2018 06:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've reached the age where I meet a person I would consider "older" and then find out they're the same age as me.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon You can always tell someone's age by watching them get out of a car.
←Rate | 02-27-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re happy and you know it... wash your hands.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm having a quarintine party this weekend. None of you are invited
←Rate | 03-23-2020 06:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Distancing from people & not going out. Drinking too much coffee in the morning. Eating and smoking too much all day. Watching too much tv. Drinking too much at night. Then the pandemic struck.
←Rate | 04-12-2020 15:33 by RoboGoon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: If you don’t have a mask, wearing a jock strap on your face tends to keep people at least 6 feet away from you.
←Rate | 04-27-2020 15:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And suddenly the neighbors who left their Christmas lights up all year seem like geniuses.
←Rate | 12-04-2019 12:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: sorry mom, called you by accident.. Mom: no worries, had you by accident.
←Rate | 11-22-2019 05:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The National Origami championship is on television tonight. It’s on paper view.
←Rate | 01-03-2020 20:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever notice how that toothpaste falls so easily off your brush, but you can't wash it down the drain if you wanted to...
←Rate | 01-03-2020 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up, on brain-dead zombies. Hang on Hang on..... Sorry, wrong channel that was "The View".
←Rate | 01-30-2020 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Iowa's voting app failed because it was too icy to climb up the telephone poles to vote.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 10:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tossed and turned so much last night that I woke up with an ab.
←Rate | 02-19-2020 09:13 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left