Funny Status Messages

   I once booked a cruise just so I could walk around for 7 days saying “Looks like we’re all in the same boat” to everyone else on board.

   I take my irresponsibilities seriously.

   My friend's dog is tough. I interrogated him for over an hour and he still wouldn't tell me who's a good boy.

   FIFA refs should issue pink cards for flopping.

   Let's get married. Whoever gets out with their soul wins.

   Not to brag, but in some circles I am known as “That chick who always knocks stuff over.”

   They say two heads are better than one. Untill it's their baby.

   If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer? You smart people just grinned; didn't you?

   "You tube's How to use a fire extinguisher shouldn't have a advert before it.

   You can tell the Beastie Boys were really close because they would finish each other’s sentences.

   The more random people you see jogging for no reason the higher the rent is going up

   it's so hot, Bloods and Crips have resorted to shooting each other with super soakers

   If someone works with a bunch of a$$holes all day. Can they add proctologist to their resume?

   That annoying moment when you cannot find the long side of your blanket.

   If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.

   The I before E except after C rule has been disproven by science.

   Every loaf of bread is a tragic story about a field of grain that could have become beer but didn't.

   When does hibernation start? Because I'm 100% participating in that!!

   My Girlfriend says our sex-life is so bad because I get so easily distracted? Ah well!..back to it I suppose!

   I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either.