BigSarge Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Why are there jelly donuts but no peanut butter donuts? And why no peanut butter and jelly donuts? And why is my mother an alcoholic?
←Rate | 05-22-2013 04:22 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if guys who masturbate to feet, ever get off on the wrong foot..... ba-dum ching (Don't get up, I'll let myself out.)
←Rate | 05-22-2013 04:06 by BigSarge Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ugh....... I can never decide which color of shower puff is the most gangster.
←Rate | 05-22-2013 03:59 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I did road work I'd be that guy, the one who's leaning on his shovel and looks concerned while the other guys did all the work.
←Rate | 05-21-2013 02:11 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's just ADORABLE how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won't be back tomorrow.
←Rate | 05-20-2013 19:36 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon This week's weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
←Rate | 05-20-2013 15:03 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout out to all the Amish people reading this status..........................BUSTED
←Rate | 05-19-2013 14:29 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one will ever love you as much as your dog loves your stinky feet
←Rate | 05-17-2013 22:29 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy who said "It's better to have loved and lost" never accidentally dropped his 2nd Reese's cup in the dirt.
←Rate | 05-17-2013 22:18 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spend my weekends random dialling women in the phone book and telling them their pillows smell nice.
←Rate | 05-17-2013 22:16 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My brother Bob gets mad when someone spells his name backwards. I think he inherited that trait from our Mom or Dad.
←Rate | 05-17-2013 04:13 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon You treat your body like a temple? That’s nice......... I treat mine like a wh0reh0use above a liquor store next to a 24 hr Taco Bell.
←Rate | 05-17-2013 04:11 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon More social media's please.............. I have 20 min of real life to ignore
←Rate | 05-17-2013 04:05 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the most exciting part about morning $ex is when the couple turns on the light and they finally see me.
←Rate | 05-16-2013 02:45 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't handle me on Facebook then you definitely don't deserve me at my best! Wait...this is my best!!! Guys, please love me.
←Rate | 05-15-2013 03:54 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stages of Status Updating: 1. Whatever. 2. Good for waiting rooms. 3. Pulled over at the side of the road so you don't forget a great status update.
←Rate | 05-15-2013 03:52 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spend an inordinate amount of time at the gym. Mostly in the parking lot, where I ponder alternative solutions like liposuction and tapeworms.
←Rate | 05-15-2013 03:50 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon The easiest person to make fun of is me... But also that guy at Sam's Club who was stalking the corn dog samples. Oh wait....... Also me. Carry on
←Rate | 05-15-2013 03:47 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys that are afraid of spiders, what color did you get your nails painted on Mother's Day?
←Rate | 05-15-2013 03:44 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm coming out with a workout video called "Beached Whale Body". It's just a video of me sitting on my recliner with my computer on my lap and phone in hand.
←Rate | 05-14-2013 22:34 by BigSarge Comments (0)  




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