Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I once booked a cruise just so I could walk around for 7 days saying “Looks like we’re all in the same boat” to everyone else on board.
←Rate | 06-19-2018 02:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon * The difference between trump and kim firing someone trump "YOU'RE FIRED" kin: ready, aim,
←Rate | 06-19-2018 00:00 Comments (4)  

   messageicon My memory is so bad that.............
←Rate | 06-18-2018 23:44 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon When someone says "good luck with that" are they being nice or sarcastic?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 22:58 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you go to sleep at 6am, is that going to sleep early or late?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 22:56 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon The weather guy said I should drink plenty of electrolytes in this heat, does beer have electrolytes? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 06-18-2018 21:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How come no one is lining up for the avocado picking job you people were bytching about being taken by those dirty immigrants?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 17:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bummer is being sick on your day off.
←Rate | 06-18-2018 16:39 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Dos Equis guy: Seriously. What guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world after he's had a few beers?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 11:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With the rise in self-driving vehicles it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where the guy's pickup truck leaves him too.
←Rate | 06-18-2018 10:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Don't Kid Yourself" would be a great advertising slogan for a condom company.
←Rate | 06-18-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I have alzheimer's
←Rate | 06-17-2018 23:26 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Look, Do you think I'll now what's up in "Horny Neighbors 3" without seeing the first 2?
←Rate | 06-17-2018 16:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do fat and ugly women make me so angry?
←Rate | 06-17-2018 14:49 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Einstein was a genius. It was his brother Frank that created a monster.
←Rate | 06-17-2018 13:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You would think I am a fugitive on the run the way I react when there is a knock on my door.
←Rate | 06-17-2018 07:26 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ted Cruz beats Jim Kimmel (11-9) in Blobfish basketball classic game
←Rate | 06-17-2018 01:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who's your daddy takes on a whole new meaning in the ghetto.
←Rate | 06-17-2018 01:20 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon What dad's really would like for father'r day. To be left alone so they can drink their beer in peace.
←Rate | 06-16-2018 22:48 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon WebMD is updating their servers because of a virus. Well, they think it's a virus, but it could be kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis.
←Rate | 06-16-2018 17:50 by Fluff!! Comments (1)  

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