Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Mother's Day: I'm sorry you almost died during those 36 hours you were pushing me out of your vagina. Take these chocolates I bought for you..
←Rate | 05-08-2015 13:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When my son was a teen and bragged how he came out of his mother, I reminded him that he came out of me first.
←Rate | 04-30-2015 06:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Screw it..... I'm just gonna say that these are " Mother's Day" lights now..... *lazy Christmas light owners...
←Rate | 04-23-2015 23:29 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My cell phone battery dies faster than a mother in a Disney movie.
←Rate | 03-04-2015 13:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Look, nobody can tell the sex of your baby, so please either pierce it's ears or draw a mustache on that ambiguous little mother f*cker
←Rate | 02-20-2015 00:39 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon WTF is with all the American Girl dolls on ebays deal of the day.... This isn't christmas mother fcukers
←Rate | 02-16-2015 15:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One of the most difficult jobs in the world is being a mother. If done wrong, you could ruin someone's future......NO PRESSURE!!!
←Rate | 01-14-2015 09:20 by KPiccalo Comments (0)  

   messageicon " Fcuk the Police" ............ Please encourage this!! With the shift work we do protecting your sorry ass it's sometimes hard to meet women. So please encourage your sister and mother to continue your cause!!
←Rate | 12-03-2014 19:53 by BigSarge Comments (1)  

   messageicon Charles Manson is getting married to a 26-year-old and I’m still single. I’ll never hear the end of it from my mother at thanks giving.
←Rate | 11-24-2014 08:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember when someone had posted "who cares if we don't get to see polars Bears, cuz we didn't get to see dinosaurs?" I guess mother natures cares with this winter blast!
←Rate | 11-20-2014 01:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have never been paid for sex, but holy mother of god, there were a few instances when I should have been.
←Rate | 10-03-2014 12:25 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  

   messageicon My contribution to mother earth is not to waste water cleaning glasses when I can drink straight from the bottle
←Rate | 10-01-2014 14:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
←Rate | 08-07-2014 01:57 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had to explain to my brother that a milf is supposed to be someone else's mother..
←Rate | 07-09-2014 08:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Judge, I'm sorry I attacked that woman but I was wearing cheetah print & she had on a zebra shirt & Mother Nature just took over from there.
←Rate | 07-05-2014 13:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [Mother-in-law visiting] -May I use your restroom? -Down the hall first door on the right -That's the front door -You may use the yard
←Rate | 07-05-2014 13:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "You're as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
←Rate | 07-04-2014 09:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just heard a little boy call his mom "mother," as if both had already accepted the fact that he'd become a serial killer some day.
←Rate | 06-28-2014 17:49 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.
←Rate | 06-18-2014 11:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
←Rate | 06-02-2014 07:27 Comments (0)  

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