Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 6 of 6012

   messageicon Dear Netflix, Thanks for all the great movies but can you please stop adding one's about pandemics as I'm fully capable of turning on the news. Thanks!
←Rate | 04-05-2020 22:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't find any masks, gloves, or hand sanitizers. Long story short, I just now paid for the premium version of McAfee antivirus. Let's what happens.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 16:51 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a man calls you a doll, it doesn't always mean a barbie. Could be a Chucky.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 16:17 by McC-M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Parents, here's a way to keep your kids busy for awhile on Easter, let them have an Easter egg hunt, just don't hide any eggs.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 14:02 by Starman Comments (0)  

   messageicon 88% of parenting is begging your kids to cover their mouth when coughing.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 13:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon And remember kids, when you go to Target, there really is no “non creepy” way to ask where the Vaseline is.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 13:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A fun way to celebrate Palm Sunday while self-isolating is to slap your loved ones in the face and yell “Palm Sunday”.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 12:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wonder why kids set out milk and cookies for Santa, but not a salad for the Easter Bunny.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 12:55 by Starman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope the l0ser who p0sted below gets the virus and dr0ps de@d from it.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 10:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What are Jared Kushner's qualifications? Screwing the boss' daughter.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 08:47 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If you’re asking me to choose sides, I’ll always choose potato salad.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 08:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It’s like having a remote to open the fridge.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 08:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit’s door.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 08:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have way too much responsibility for someone who still isn’t sure if 12pm is noon or midnight.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guy just asked me where a public phone was, I told him 1987.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, were the years I was in my prime.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At my age when I’m asked if I’m seeing someone I assume they mean a therapist
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon this little piggy stayed home this little piggy stayed home this little piggy stayed home this little piggy stayed home this little piggy stayed home
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 87% of gym members don’t even know their gym is closed
←Rate | 04-05-2020 07:07 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left