Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I was riding my bike this morning and a guy yelled “Cow” at me. I turned and gave him the finger…and ran straight into the cow.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife asked if I got everything at the store, I told her no just what wasn’t on the list.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When this pandemic is over, I’m going to French kiss every escalator handrail at the mall
←Rate | 01-04-2021 08:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just need you to find me 100 upvotes! I can't stand losing, and I'll try anything to win!
←Rate | 01-04-2021 07:47 by truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you are ever wondering who your real friends are, delete your Facebook account and see who calls.
←Rate | 01-04-2021 01:34 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Random friend: do you have so many friends on Facebook? Me: I'm a fricking train wreck and people like to watch.
←Rate | 01-03-2021 21:43 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeah, I know. All God's creatures great and small etc. But you know what? That AFLAC duck can go fukc himself.
←Rate | 01-03-2021 17:32 by Pan-con-Timba Comments (0)  

   messageicon Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self-centered lives already in progress.
←Rate | 01-03-2021 14:00 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Biden cheated. Get over it. He's a cheater....
←Rate | 01-03-2021 11:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Since the beginning of the corvid the closest thing to a vacation I've been taking is by logging out of my unpaid job at facebook.
←Rate | 01-03-2021 07:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Biden won. Get over it, Trump weirdos.
←Rate | 01-03-2021 07:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Come on stimulus! I'm wiping my butt with coffee filters!
←Rate | 01-02-2021 20:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hates when vegans say, “nice to meat you,” instead of, “nice to plant you.”
←Rate | 01-02-2021 16:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why should I trust the toothpaste recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists when they're the ones who make money fixing people's teeth?
←Rate | 01-02-2021 16:33 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man, I remember 2020 like It was yesterday.
←Rate | 01-01-2021 22:56 by @svaldez187 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Farting under the covers is no longer called a dutch oven. It’s now a "covid test". If you can still smell or taste it, you're negative.
←Rate | 01-01-2021 13:49 by Grumpy Comments (0)  

   messageicon An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
←Rate | 01-01-2021 10:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just found a document that says all our restrictions have been lifted! It’s pretty old though, it’s dated 1776…
←Rate | 01-01-2021 10:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Plan-Demic Cruelty. Let us never forget, was unleashed on the world intentionally one week after the failed impeachment hoax.
←Rate | 01-01-2021 10:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Raffling off my $600 stimulus check $20 a spot 50 spots available direct message me if you’re interested
←Rate | 01-01-2021 10:28 Comments (0)  

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