Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If I had a dollar for eveytime I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream
←Rate | 07-01-2020 11:12 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  

   messageicon My 4th of July plans are all set as I'll be celebrating my independence from the Coronavirus by staying home!
←Rate | 07-01-2020 11:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Coronavirus - explained in dancing. You and nine friends are dancing together. One friend is dancing while sprinkling glitter. How many friends leave the dance party wearing glitter?
←Rate | 07-01-2020 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A mom getting a minivan is like losing one's virginity. It hurts at first, but think of all the stuff they can fit in afterwards.
←Rate | 07-01-2020 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon During the quarantine we got a better chance of seeing Bigfoot than Howie Mandel
←Rate | 07-01-2020 00:08 by Lonnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can You Still Get Like Regular Sick Or Is Everything Corona?
←Rate | 06-30-2020 17:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How TF Nieman Marcus filed for chpt11 bankruptcy when one of their clothes rack can pay for all of our student loans?
←Rate | 06-30-2020 17:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon $1.4Bil stimulus sent to people who have died when there are folks still waiting for their 1st check? who cashing em?
←Rate | 06-30-2020 17:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: Men just want one thing and its disgusting. me- Then you need to wash it!
←Rate | 06-30-2020 17:03 by Jbaby Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thxs for all the b-day wishes. I also accept gifts in the form of beer, casual sex, 1dollar Cashapp, bitcoins n Zelle
←Rate | 06-30-2020 17:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Name 1 thing you want to try in the bedroom" Her: "Getting a full 8hrs of sleep"
←Rate | 06-30-2020 17:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Would taping or gluing my mustache and beard together meet mask requirements?
←Rate | 06-30-2020 14:46 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon SPONSORED POST: Tide Pods. Remember when we seemed like a big problem?
←Rate | 06-30-2020 13:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Raisins are the Cougar of Grapes
←Rate | 06-30-2020 05:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's a tough job being the family disappointment but I put in lots of overtime
←Rate | 06-30-2020 05:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't like wearing a face mask the next time you go in for surgery don't forget to tell your surgeon to take off their mask as it won't protect them.
←Rate | 06-30-2020 00:38 Comments (2)  

   messageicon The Illuminati have planted facial recognition cameras everywhere and the only way to stop them from tracking your every movment is by wearing a mask over your face. Tell everyone!!
←Rate | 06-30-2020 00:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet Pavlov felt like feeding the dogs every time a bell rang
←Rate | 06-29-2020 17:56 by Rickster Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stuff your mask with M&Ms so you can eat them all day long like a horse
←Rate | 06-29-2020 17:55 by Rickster Comments (0)  

   messageicon Revenge is a dish best served eventually
←Rate | 06-29-2020 17:55 by Rickster Comments (0)  

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