Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When you like somebody but they want to fix you up with their friend. That's kind of like when you ask for a Coke and the waiter says "Is Pepsi OK?"
←Rate | 04-27-2019 08:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so adorable how badgers and foxes take little naps at the side of the road all the time!
←Rate | 04-26-2019 12:31 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Build the swamp! Drain her up! Lock the wall!
←Rate | 04-25-2019 19:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I need a meeting with Zuckerberg cause I don't get enough "likes"
←Rate | 04-25-2019 18:44 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always knew that one day I'd end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn't expect everyone to keep on bowling
←Rate | 04-25-2019 16:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When my dog hears another dog down the street, he always looks at me like I had something to do with it.
←Rate | 04-25-2019 05:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A pregnant lady, except it's me smuggling king sized candy into the movies for 6 kids and saving $278.
←Rate | 04-25-2019 05:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think sometimes we as humans ask too much of spandex.
←Rate | 04-25-2019 05:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon transparent- noun, when your child is transgender, you are their transparent
←Rate | 04-24-2019 17:43 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Class? Hardcore girl-on-girl porn is considered class? The human race is fcked up. Please kill us all now, God.
←Rate | 04-24-2019 16:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Land of the free, home of the Whopper.
←Rate | 04-24-2019 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The 400 lb man, who demanded flight attendants to wipe his butt has died. Good riddance.
←Rate | 04-23-2019 12:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Folks, there's zero % chance a candidate will pay off your student loans if elected. They're just pandering for all those votes...
←Rate | 04-23-2019 08:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy earth day, earth. Sorry we're destroying your ass.
←Rate | 04-22-2019 20:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I decided to start working out today. Practicing my jabs, hooks, and uppercuts for the day after Easter candy clearance sale!!
←Rate | 04-21-2019 20:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last night I dreamed that I was a muffler. When I woke up I was exhausted.
←Rate | 04-21-2019 13:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We were so poor, that when I was a baby I instead of wearing diapers, my parents paper trained me.
←Rate | 04-20-2019 00:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friends are like boobs. Some are big, some are small, and some are fake.
←Rate | 04-19-2019 22:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon idiot at the gym today.. He had a bottle of water in the Pringles can holder on the treadmill.. Freaking loser.
←Rate | 04-19-2019 18:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to work at a bakery. It was a crumby job, but I made a lot of dough.
←Rate | 04-19-2019 14:56 by CrewRC Comments (0)  

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