Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 6 of 6367

   messageicon I rolled over too fast in bed and sprained my fat roll !
←Rate | 01-16-2024 22:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend is single and middle-aged. I think she might be Catholic. Sorry, I mean cat-holic.
←Rate | 01-16-2024 15:50 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got people who love me because I'm me. I've got people who hate me for the same reason!
←Rate | 01-16-2024 10:38 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoppers all around for Martin Burger King Day.
←Rate | 01-15-2024 18:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are starving kids in Africa. IHOP has a “Kids Eat Free” promotion. Just build an IHOP in Africa. Problem solved
←Rate | 01-15-2024 13:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chip clips are for quitters!
←Rate | 01-15-2024 12:43 by CoolguyB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a call from a telemarketer and he said he couldn't understand me. I told him to press 1 for English.
←Rate | 01-15-2024 05:56 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear paranoid people who check behind the shower curtain for murderers: What exactly is the plan if you find one?
←Rate | 01-14-2024 05:57 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Prophecy class canceled due to unforeseen circumstances.
←Rate | 01-13-2024 14:52 by LeCulk Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t date anymore I just foster women until they find their forever homes
←Rate | 01-12-2024 19:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold outside, I saw a guy in the ghetto pull his pants up.
←Rate | 01-12-2024 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon accidentally put my phone in airplane mode and my front door blew off
←Rate | 01-12-2024 10:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you call 100 sheep rolling down a hill A lambslide
←Rate | 01-12-2024 10:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "When one door closes, another one opens"! -Boeing
←Rate | 01-11-2024 23:29 by PennBallWizard Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old that I remember when the only fake news was the National Enquirer.
←Rate | 01-11-2024 18:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I rescued a cow from a slaughterhouse today. I named it Jake from Steak Farm.
←Rate | 01-11-2024 12:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We should have a national quiet day where everyone just shuts up for 24 hours.
←Rate | 01-11-2024 08:47 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cant' wait for the Bidens sentencing day.
←Rate | 01-10-2024 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People's driving skills got me looking both ways at green lights!
←Rate | 01-10-2024 08:49 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shiny, pointy nipples! Oh, sorry, Facebook wanted to know what was on my mind
←Rate | 01-09-2024 15:49 Comments (0)  




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