michael Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Send a SEAL team into the militant's barracks at night, scatter legos and matchbox cars on the floor, pull the fire alarm and unleash a weapon of mass distruction more powerful than the world has ever seen before. Syrian conflict solved!
←Rate | 08-28-2013 07:57 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientists officially confirm the discovery of Element 115. Great, now I'm going to have to get my Periodic Table tattoo redone.
←Rate | 08-28-2013 10:56 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" because "Slowly Falling Into Crack Induced Alcoholic Depression" just doesn't roll off the tip of your tongue.
←Rate | 08-30-2013 13:23 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Ariel Castro confirms that he is a swinger.
←Rate | 09-04-2013 09:26 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Ariel Castro's neck.
←Rate | 09-04-2013 11:44 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I'm sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 08:25 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Would you like anything else?" What I said - "A little bit of mayo, please". What the Subway Sandwich Artist heard - "A wholesale club sized jar of Helmann's, put it all on one side, and make sure it all squeezes out when you wrap it up."
←Rate | 09-26-2013 14:20 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon John Boehner and Harry Ried get into a feminine slap fight complete with hair pulling and name calling on the steps of the Capitol. See it tonight at midnight on the season finale of "The Government"
←Rate | 09-30-2013 12:56 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon This shutdown seems to be bringing out the inner-retard in everyone.
←Rate | 10-01-2013 10:07 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sooooooooo.... Since the NSA isn't watching right now, I can say whatever I want.... right?
←Rate | 10-01-2013 12:07 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS - House Speaker John Boehner announced that he will not stand in the way of a Senate resolution to end the government shutdown leaving millions of Americans asking, "When did the government shutdown?"
←Rate | 10-16-2013 17:07 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Oh.... I can't wait tto see all the clever and funny Bitstrip cartoons my Facebook friends posted today!!!!" ~ Said no one, EVER!
←Rate | 10-24-2013 10:59 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bitstrip has taught me one thing.... My friends are entirely incapable of being funny.... even in cartoons.
←Rate | 10-25-2013 08:09 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Funny how the first 5 years I did it, my biggest fear was someone walking in on me doing it.. and now in the last 5 years I wouldn't bother doing it unless someone was watching me.
←Rate | 11-08-2013 08:25 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you like your insurance, you can keep it" is the new, "I promise, I'll only put the tip in"
←Rate | 11-08-2013 09:11 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon SPOILER ALERT!!! Trent Richardson's sex tape is acually a series of tapes which average less than 2.9 minutes. Trent never busts a long one and he often struggles to find the hole.
←Rate | 11-13-2013 13:54 by Michael Comments (1)  


   messageicon A recent CNN poll shows that 53% of Americans don't believe Obama to be honest or trustworthy. The other 47% of Americans weren't polled.
←Rate | 11-25-2013 08:54 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time to start saying "Happy Holidays" to people so that there is no shortage of things to complain about on Facebook. It is the season of giving, and I'm a giver.
←Rate | 12-06-2013 11:23 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Big win for the Catholic church as Pope Francis takes Time Magazine's person of the year barely edging out finalists tea bagger Ted Cruz, prostitute Miley Cyrus, and worst president since Jefferson Davis Barack Obama.
←Rate | 12-11-2013 08:43 by MIchael Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Awe crap" ~ The first thing that goes through your head when "Michael has commented on your status" pops up in your phones notification bar.
←Rate | 12-13-2013 13:27 by Michael Comments (0)  




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