gil Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon "Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
←Rate | 09-11-2017 12:46 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was abducted by aliens once, but after a couple hours the Mexican landscapers let me go.
←Rate | 09-29-2017 14:38 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you never climbed across the living room furniture as a child, pretending the floor was made out of lava, or built a fort out of cushions and blankets, you didn't have a real childhood.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 12:19 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon It was so cold today, I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
←Rate | 01-03-2018 21:21 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since smartphone cameras were first released in 2002, sightings of Bigfoot and UFOs have declined by 85%.
←Rate | 01-31-2018 22:34 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Jack Black and Jack White had a baby together, what name would they use?
←Rate | 04-22-2018 18:08 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is national drug take back day. For your convenience, I will be placing a collection basket outside my front door.
←Rate | 04-28-2018 09:14 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 00:05 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Robert Kraft's prostitution arrest. Voluntary exchange of sex and compensation between consenting adults. Kinda like marriage.
←Rate | 02-22-2019 14:54 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Thank-you Robert Kraft and R. Kelly!" - Jussie Smollett
←Rate | 02-22-2019 21:27 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are women and children always the last survivors in horror films?
←Rate | 09-25-2019 18:53 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some women pay $5000 for breast enlargement. I got my man boobs for free.
←Rate | 10-25-2019 08:11 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Would taping or gluing my mustache and beard together meet mask requirements?
←Rate | 06-30-2020 14:46 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon The mandatory mask rules are preventing fire breathing dragons from defending themselves. Please vote Pro-Dragon.
←Rate | 11-03-2020 20:59 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon RIP Barbara Walters. Beaver Cleaver's TV mom died. Eddie, Whitey, and Lumpy must be devastated.
←Rate | 12-31-2022 00:21 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm seeking scientific study assistants and participants to publish a study called "The Perfect Orgasm" - Pay is $20 per session
←Rate | 01-03-2023 23:14 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Eggs are so expensive that I am eating steak, lobster, and caviar for breakfast now.
←Rate | 02-17-2023 13:00 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon FRIEND: Why do you spend so much time on Facebook? ME: I have serious digestive issues. I spend a lot of time on the toilet.
←Rate | 03-10-2023 14:22 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember WWE admitted everything was staged entertainment? I'm waiting for politicians to make the same announcement.
←Rate | 09-25-2023 16:43 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of a coffin, OJ will be buried in a white Ford Bronco, wearing black leather gloves.
←Rate | 04-11-2024 12:54 by Gil Comments (0)  



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