Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd love to come to your holiday party and stare at my phone all night.
←Rate | 12-17-2014 13:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People think that in Africa we ride lions and elephants to work. That's ridiculous, we don't have jobs.
←Rate | 05-05-2014 02:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you like her, tell her. Don't friendzone yourself. Have some balls. Be a man.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 14:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it comes to a recipe for a disaster, some people thrive on being the main ingredient.
←Rate | 03-02-2014 09:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when the whole Internet mourns someone’s death & I have to Google them to find out if they were a politician, an athlete or a Muppet.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 12:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
←Rate | 10-19-2014 09:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
←Rate | 09-08-2013 08:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 13:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of these girls look like they masturbate to their own selfies.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 12:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're looking for me to be more tasteful and tender, marinate me in whiskey.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 12:28 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can Walmart be a feeling? I'm pretty sure that's how I'm feeling today.
←Rate | 10-29-2014 12:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its not stretching if it doesn't involve crazy dinosaur noises.
←Rate | 11-30-2013 06:12 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This Facebook is really cutting into my other time wasting activities.
←Rate | 06-17-2014 09:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like people the most when I'm by myself.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 01:23 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, those diamonds in your teeth are shiny, but your vocabulary is still limited and now you have a speech impediment.
←Rate | 03-05-2014 12:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip: when you wake up, reach for your GF's boobs before reaching for your phone to check your Facebook. Women love that.
←Rate | 01-11-2014 00:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I graduated at the top of my anger management class
←Rate | 10-25-2017 02:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
←Rate | 05-07-2014 10:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


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