joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Got carded for a box of Nicorette. I guess they don't want you to quit using tobacco until you're over 18...
←Rate | 05-05-2010 12:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hearing your legs creaking as you get into the standing split pose in yoga class is a sure way of telling people that you havent been laid in a while
←Rate | 05-10-2010 13:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a sign that said END ROAD WORK. I find it annoying too, but I don't think I would protest against it.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 17:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Deleting your Facebook account is a quick way to find out what people will say at your funeral.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 17:44 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon They call it "Cash for Gold" because "Cash for all the Sh*t You Stole to Support Your Meth Habit" didn't have the same ring to it.
←Rate | 07-03-2010 14:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon people will believe anything if you whisper it.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 18:08 by joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Switched my GPS to the male voice. Got tired of it announcing turns after we'd passed them and telling me to stop and ask for directions.
←Rate | 06-25-2010 19:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got a chance to listen to my voicemails. I was pretty popular in 2009.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:19 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
←Rate | 07-01-2010 17:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon People always demand to know who farted as if they'll decide how disgusted to be based on who's responsible.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 13:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok, TV coroners. We get it. You're comfortable around dead bodies. You can stop putting your sandwiches on them.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 20:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon headed out for a quiet beer. Followed by ten noisy ones...
←Rate | 07-07-2010 17:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like you... People say I've got no taste, but I like you...
←Rate | 04-27-2010 02:28 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts...
←Rate | 05-20-2010 13:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best things in life are free.... or have no interest or payments for one full year.
←Rate | 05-21-2010 17:49 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The law says I can't drive with an open container, but it says nothing about jello shots!!
←Rate | 05-21-2010 18:55 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have the same body I've always had. Adjusted for inflation, of course...
←Rate | 05-27-2010 13:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never tipped a cow. Then again, one has never served me food.
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:10 by Joser Comments (0)  



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