flinnie Funny Status Messages
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I alternate between cautious optimism and reckless pessimism.
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02-02-2012 04:45 by flinnie
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Just told my dog "Don't walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don't.
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02-15-2014 05:51 by flinnie
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No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
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04-28-2012 06:26 by flinnie
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The only rule when a Genie grants you a wish is that you cannot wish for more wishes. Think outside the Box and wish for more Genies. The moral is that, every situation has a loop hole
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06-18-2011 05:54 by flinnie
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I was gonna give change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU. So, I held onto it just in case he was right
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09-29-2011 07:21 by flinnie
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It's amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts.
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12-30-2013 06:36 by flinnie
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When I was little we didn't have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
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07-24-2016 07:39 by flinnie
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FACT: that dog can walk on its own, professional dog walkers. What it can't do is pick up it's own poop. You're just a professional poop collector.
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04-30-2013 06:20 by flinnie
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Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people's backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
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12-17-2011 05:02 by flinnie
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Does anyone else ever hear their alarm go off in the morning and immediately start rationalizing quitting your job?
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08-06-2014 04:31 by flinnie
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The phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" has a zero percent success rate.
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02-26-2012 07:30 by flinnie
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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
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02-26-2012 07:33 by flinnie
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LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy, and it's fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
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12-30-2011 08:55 by flinnie
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Lots of people out sick today. There's that new virus going around-- Unused Sick Days, apparently it's very contagious.
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12-19-2012 06:21 by flinnie
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You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace
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03-14-2015 06:36 by flinnie
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We now live in a time where people choose their insurance providers based on who's TV commercial is funnier
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01-13-2012 16:02 by flinnie
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Here is a sentence you will never hear: "That's one manly pair of skinny jeans."
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03-21-2012 09:42 by flinnie
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Hey, people who jog in place when you're at a red light. Calm down. We're already judging you. Don't give us more ammo
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10-15-2011 08:04 by flinnie
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Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie
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07-06-2011 13:21 by flinnie
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Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
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09-06-2012 10:20 by flinnie
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