flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If I had a time machine I'd show Albert Einstein the Internet and ruin everything.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to decide what I hate more: 1. Mondays or 2. People who complain about how much they hate Mondays
←Rate | 05-09-2012 12:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people's backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
←Rate | 12-17-2011 05:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone else ever hear their alarm go off in the morning and immediately start rationalizing quitting your job?
←Rate | 08-06-2014 04:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" has a zero percent success rate.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 07:30 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a special place in hell for murderers and the guy who decided what time breakfast ends at McDonalds.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 08:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings
←Rate | 04-21-2012 05:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace
←Rate | 03-14-2015 06:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon We now live in a time where people choose their insurance providers based on who's TV commercial is funnier
←Rate | 01-13-2012 16:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is unpredictable. Just when you think you've got enough lotion on your skin, you may just get the hose again.
←Rate | 02-23-2012 06:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here is a sentence you will never hear: "That's one manly pair of skinny jeans."
←Rate | 03-21-2012 09:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've reached the most difficult moment in parenting: explaining to my son why the first Star Wars movie is Episode 4.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 18:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, people who jog in place when you're at a red light. Calm down. We're already judging you. Don't give us more ammo
←Rate | 10-15-2011 08:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
←Rate | 09-06-2012 10:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage lightbulbs.
←Rate | 01-27-2012 09:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My last words will be either "I wonder what this does..." or "no, you put YOUR gun down."
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I won't take a bullet for ANYONE because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you're the type of neighbor that likes to scream and yell till 3am, then I'll be the type of neighbor to mow at 6am!
←Rate | 07-02-2011 08:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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