flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I alternate between cautious optimism and reckless pessimism.
←Rate | 02-02-2012 04:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just told my dog "Don't walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don't.
←Rate | 02-15-2014 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
←Rate | 04-28-2012 06:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only rule when a Genie grants you a wish is that you cannot wish for more wishes. Think outside the Box and wish for more Genies. The moral is that, every situation has a loop hole
←Rate | 06-18-2011 05:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was gonna give change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU. So, I held onto it just in case he was right
←Rate | 09-29-2011 07:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts.
←Rate | 12-30-2013 06:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was little we didn't have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: that dog can walk on its own, professional dog walkers. What it can't do is pick up it's own poop. You're just a professional poop collector.
←Rate | 04-30-2013 06:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people's backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
←Rate | 12-17-2011 05:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone else ever hear their alarm go off in the morning and immediately start rationalizing quitting your job?
←Rate | 08-06-2014 04:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" has a zero percent success rate.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 07:30 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 07:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy, and it's fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
←Rate | 12-30-2011 08:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lots of people out sick today. There's that new virus going around-- Unused Sick Days, apparently it's very contagious.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 06:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace
←Rate | 03-14-2015 06:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon We now live in a time where people choose their insurance providers based on who's TV commercial is funnier
←Rate | 01-13-2012 16:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here is a sentence you will never hear: "That's one manly pair of skinny jeans."
←Rate | 03-21-2012 09:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, people who jog in place when you're at a red light. Calm down. We're already judging you. Don't give us more ammo
←Rate | 10-15-2011 08:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
←Rate | 09-06-2012 10:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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