eengrms Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon This just in... Kanye West is still alive. Meanwhile we continue to lose really talented artists...
←Rate | 04-21-2016 21:34 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could talk for hours about how good of a listener I am...
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:27 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon You should be able to pick a theme for your Facebook movie... Because some of you should need to pick drama...
←Rate | 02-04-2014 23:00 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Strange to have so many people focused on a single woman's pregnancy who are not Texas republican lawmakers...
←Rate | 07-23-2013 14:08 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just read that Kate Upton is an heir to a billion dollar fortune... Finally a reason to date her...
←Rate | 05-19-2014 13:19 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever look in the mirror and wonde if your look is still in style, remember there are still guys with pony tails so you're probably not that bad...
←Rate | 06-07-2015 14:20 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon This regular old moon is stupid...
←Rate | 09-28-2015 23:03 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon What I wanted to do in 2015: drink water and eat healthy. What I actually did in 2015: drink margaritas and eat tacos.
←Rate | 12-03-2015 14:02 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when you're caught stalking in a tree outside someone's window so you freeze like a squirrel, and they're all like "I can still see you."
←Rate | 04-01-2013 15:09 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone tries to hand me a baby, I say, "No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian..."
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:33 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roger Ebert just gave his doctors two thumbs down...
←Rate | 04-05-2013 02:07 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Miley was front page news longer than the last school shooting...
←Rate | 08-28-2013 16:29 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time one of my kids complains that the internet is slow, I feel like I'm not adequately preparing them for the real world...
←Rate | 09-07-2015 17:12 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the Apple/FBI conflict proves anything, it's that the NSA really doesn't have all of your personal information like people claim...
←Rate | 03-18-2016 23:30 by eengrms Comments (2)  


   messageicon Looking at how successful all the Kardashian women are, I don't blame Bruce Jenner at all...
←Rate | 03-31-2015 21:34 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I knew the season was officially out of control when my dealer offered my pumpkin flavored crack...
←Rate | 09-24-2015 13:23 by eengrms Comments (1)  


   messageicon It's too bad North Korea couldn't have gotten the new Night at the Museum movie canceled instead...
←Rate | 12-18-2014 12:25 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think one of the greatest regrets I'm going to have later on in life is that I've never participated in a Harlem Shake video...
←Rate | 04-10-2013 16:46 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like "Damn, that name's way cooler..."
←Rate | 12-15-2015 09:18 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon there a Nobel prize for being extremely mediocre because I would like to nominate myself...
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:31 by eengrms Comments (0)  



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