Michael Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Facebook has changed its policy against topless Masectomy pictures. Which is odd because Justin Bieber has been posting them for years.
←Rate | 06-14-2013 04:38 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Miley Cyrus named #1 in the Maxim Hot 100 list??? Its been a few years since my subscription expired, but when did Maxim become a magazie for gays?
←Rate | 05-16-2013 11:29 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon "You know. If I had a son, he'd look like Hunter Biden and would do blow off a secretary's tramp stamp on a Naval base" ~ Barack Obama
←Rate | 10-17-2014 09:01 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon A BYU basketball player dismissed for premarital sex. I knew mormons were not supposed to have coffee or tea. I had no idea Tang was off limits
←Rate | 03-03-2011 18:05 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon So after watching the hilarious interview I feel closer to Charlie Sheen because have a lot in common. Tiger blood and Adonis DNA..
←Rate | 03-02-2011 08:26 by michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon So the Miami Heat lose LeBron James to the Cleveland Cavs... so what!?! Let me know when they lose Justin Bieber to steam roller.
←Rate | 07-11-2014 13:45 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Say all you want about Hitler, at least he never posted updates about going to the gym, Throw Back Thrusday photos, or "hashtag" anything.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 09:08 by Michael Comments (2)  

   messageicon One of the guys who works for me down south called in sick early this morning. He sounded like death! I ask, “How sick are you?” and he said, “I just got done doing my sister, is that sick enough for you?”
←Rate | 10-15-2010 09:55 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just think, had the Indians given the Pigrim's a donkey instead of a turkey, we'd all be getting a piece of ASS today instead of some damn bird!
←Rate | 11-25-2010 14:10 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear wierdo at the grocery store who bought up all the Twinkies as an "investment". Bad news, they will be back on shelves July 15th. Sorry that didn't wory out for you. Don't lose hope, maybe those Elvis Presley commerative plates will still pay off.
←Rate | 06-24-2013 12:03 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon BRADY: Sup. TEBOW: Sup. BRADY: What have you been up too? TEBOW: Studying the Bible. What about you? BRADY: Banging Gisele Bundchen. [Awkward Silence]
←Rate | 06-11-2013 07:25 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon In-laws are watching the kids tonight. Can't wait to put a load in the dishwasher.
←Rate | 03-09-2013 09:36 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon An app that displays the word "Yo" on a freinds lock screen... and that's all it does has raised over $1 million. In related news, I no longer want to live on this planet anymore.
←Rate | 06-20-2014 08:42 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon "His heart wasn't the only thing that was two sizes too small" ~ Mrs Grinch.
←Rate | 12-20-2014 11:17 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just remember... If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!
←Rate | 02-03-2011 10:09 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon "If you like your insurance, you can keep it" is the new, "I promise, I'll only put the tip in"
←Rate | 11-08-2013 09:11 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Time to start saying "Happy Holidays" to people so that there is no shortage of things to complain about on Facebook. It is the season of giving, and I'm a giver.
←Rate | 12-06-2013 11:23 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scientists officially confirm the discovery of Element 115. Great, now I'm going to have to get my Periodic Table tattoo redone.
←Rate | 08-28-2013 10:56 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon After an extensive scientifc study, Chris Kelly (aka Mac Daddy from the 90's rap group "Kris Kross") has conclusively proven that wearing your clothes backwards does not provide adequate protection from drug overdoeses.
←Rate | 05-02-2013 10:24 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon Snow peas are just like regular peas except the licky boom boom down.
←Rate | 10-28-2014 08:02 by Michael Comments (0)  

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