Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Don't, under any circumstance, believe I'll return your Tupperware.
←Rate | 12-10-2014 07:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he's called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
←Rate | 02-18-2015 13:03 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
←Rate | 11-01-2013 14:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still think I'm in my 20s sometimes...until I try to do something like I'm in my 20s.
←Rate | 06-06-2015 10:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
←Rate | 10-18-2013 02:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Disappointment usually stems from expecting too much from strangers on Facebook.
←Rate | 07-15-2014 00:30 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd love to come to your holiday party and stare at my phone all night.
←Rate | 12-17-2014 13:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
←Rate | 09-05-2014 13:22 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People think that in Africa we ride lions and elephants to work. That's ridiculous, we don't have jobs.
←Rate | 05-05-2014 02:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We used to watch the news to find out the truth. If you're looking for the truth now, the last thing you'd want to watch is the news.
←Rate | 08-18-2013 11:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
←Rate | 12-19-2014 00:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you like her, tell her. Don't friendzone yourself. Have some balls. Be a man.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 14:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it comes to a recipe for a disaster, some people thrive on being the main ingredient.
←Rate | 03-02-2014 09:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
←Rate | 10-19-2014 09:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when the whole Internet mourns someone’s death & I have to Google them to find out if they were a politician, an athlete or a Muppet.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 12:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of these girls look like they masturbate to their own selfies.
←Rate | 01-04-2014 12:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 13:38 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're looking for me to be more tasteful and tender, marinate me in whiskey.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 12:28 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
←Rate | 09-08-2013 08:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  




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