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Sometimes I read Facebook status updates and I can't understand them. Then I say to hell with it and read some that aren't mine.
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06-12-2010 08:22 by
Marshall the Great
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I don't allow men to smoke in my room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.
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06-12-2010 08:15 by
Marshall the Great
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just admitted himself into the hokey pokey institute...I figure it a way to turn my life around.
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06-12-2010 08:13
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When they eventually find the center of the Universe, a lot of people will be surprised to find out it's NOT them...
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06-12-2010 08:11 by
Marshall the Great
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"This isn't what it looks like" almost ALWAYS means "This is exactly what it looks like." Just sayin'...
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06-12-2010 08:10 by
Marshall the Great
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Since Facebook came into my life I have completely neglected MySpace. This must be what parents feel like when they have a second child.
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06-12-2010 08:07 by
Marshall the Great
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I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
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06-12-2010 08:04 by
Marshall the Great
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I just wrote a note to my utilities company: Dear Utilities, Life is full of surprises. This month we won't be paying our bill. SURPRISE!
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06-12-2010 08:01 by
Marshall the Great
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I think experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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06-12-2010 07:55 by
Marshall the Great
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Iif time travel were possible, my future self would have shown up to slap some sense into me by now.
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06-12-2010 07:54 by
Marshall the Great
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Call me immature ONE more time, and you'll no longer be invited to help me build a kick-butt couch cushion fort.
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06-12-2010 07:49 by
Marshall the Great
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It feels SO GOOD to get things accomplished... or at least I imagine it does. Do something and tell me what it's like.
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06-12-2010 07:45 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm not that impressed that hula dancers can tell a story with their hands. I can tell a story with one finger.
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06-12-2010 07:43 by
Marshall the Great
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There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.
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06-12-2010 07:42 by
Marshall the Great
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It's wrong that so many people get their daily news from Jon Stewart. I get mine from Rod Stewart. Breaking news: I think I'm sexy.
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06-12-2010 07:39 by
Marshall the Great
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Life is all about ass; you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one.
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06-12-2010 07:23 by
Juliete De Araujo-Cook
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America is always on about having a black president… but ours use to be Brown but we didn't boast.
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06-12-2010 07:08
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thinks that being the BP employee of the month must really such :/
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06-12-2010 04:42 by
Alma
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saw an Indian asleep on the train, noticed the little red dot on his forehead, and thought, "Is he on standby?"
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06-12-2010 04:03 by
Wayneyg
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developed a car that runs on water! Sadly, so far it only works with the water from the Gulf of Mexico
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06-12-2010 04:02 by
Wayneyg
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