Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5843 of 6370
I find my nose is always itchiest right before I scratch it.
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06-16-2010 18:20 by Joser
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Will work for salary and benefits with an annual cost of living increase but not on weekends, statutory holidays, or during 3-week vacation.
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06-16-2010 18:19 by Joser
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I see Coke is once again running their popular "Look Under the Cap to Try Again" contest.
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06-16-2010 18:19 by Joser
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Google just returned 3,250,000,000 results for my search. Cancel my afternoon appointments.
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06-16-2010 18:18 by Joser
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I saw a PETA add with several attractive women saying “I'd rather go naked than wear fur”. Please, no one tell them there's a third option.
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06-16-2010 18:17 by Joser
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You think when whoever invented the Bong, a black light appeared over their head....
I received a Jury Summons today, guess its better then receiving an Arrest Warrant???
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06-16-2010 18:16 by Bill
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Look, all we have to do is put little pieces of paper with mystical-sounding gibberish on them inside these cookies -- we'll make a fortune!
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06-16-2010 18:16 by Joser
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Every Ice Age starts the same way. With a lonely squirrel just tryin' to get a nut.
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06-16-2010 18:14 by Joser
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Who we are never changes. Who you think you are does.
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06-16-2010 18:03 by Sunshine
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You can't talk to me that way. Seriously, turn towards me so I can hear what you're saying.
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06-16-2010 18:00 by Joser
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I'd still be extremely impressed with a one trick pony if the trick were juggling.
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06-16-2010 17:58 by Joser
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Reminder, fellas: bra cups come in sizes AA, A, B, C, D, DD, OMG, WTF.
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06-16-2010 17:58 by Joser
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I saw a sign that said END ROAD WORK. I find it annoying too, but I don't think I would protest against it.
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06-16-2010 17:57 by Joser
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What kind of troopers does the Empire use when it's nice out?
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06-16-2010 17:54 by Joser
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If food at McDonald's looked anything like on the commercials, McDonald's customers would look even less like the people on the commercials.
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06-16-2010 17:53 by Joser
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VUVUZELA the most despised and annoying musical PLASTIC device since Michael Jackson !
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06-16-2010 17:52
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Still working on an electromagnetic pulsating device to disable cell phones in theaters. For now, please continue making do with neckpunches.
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06-16-2010 17:52 by Joser
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Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.
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06-16-2010 17:18 by Sarah
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the only one on facebook that don't have a kid, where can I purchase one before fathersday??
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06-16-2010 15:46
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