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If you think about it, James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman tickling each other would pretty much be the greatest thing ever.
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08-23-2019 06:38
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If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you're the worst employee at a toy factory
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08-23-2019 06:39
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Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous. You're practically begging for typos.
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08-23-2019 06:39
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Before Drake started saying YOLO did you guys think you could live twice or something?
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08-23-2019 06:40
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I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to doouches.
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08-23-2019 06:40
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It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home.
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08-23-2019 06:41
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The only beachfront property I'll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
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08-23-2019 06:41
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The baby gets really annoyed when I try to undress him. He gets that from his mother.
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08-23-2019 06:44
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If you watch Godzilla vs King Kong backwards it's about two monsters who forget their differences and build a city.
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08-23-2019 06:44
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So, Trump says he's the second coming of Jesus. Cool, that won't make God angry one bit.
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08-23-2019 11:21
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me: my cup runneth over... sperm bank receptionist: please take that off the counter.
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08-23-2019 12:20
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Did Bruno Mars catch that grenade? Haven't heard from him in a while...
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08-23-2019 12:21
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Sylvester Stallone is looking more and more like a G.I. Joe action figure that has been put in the microwave on high for 20 minutes.
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08-23-2019 12:25
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How to discipline your child: 1. Politely ask them to stop. 2. Yell. 3. Yell louder. 4. Repeat yourself 74 times. 5. Give up and drink.
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08-23-2019 12:25
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Just curious, does the room spin in the opposite direction when you drink too much in South Africa?
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08-23-2019 12:26
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Thanks to me, you'll probably start seeing 'For Display Only' signs on the toilets at Home Depot.
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08-23-2019 12:27
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Wait, what if I'm allergic to Kleenex?
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08-23-2019 12:28
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It's not hotter this year. It's just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
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08-23-2019 12:30
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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
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08-23-2019 12:31
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Describing a female colleague to your GF, saying "you know, the hot blond" is conducive to sofa sleeping.
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08-23-2019 12:57
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