Ever notice that Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, drooling, or unaware of what year you’re in.
A woman rammed her grocery cart into mine and didn’t apologize, so I followed her around the store and took things out of her cart when she wasn’t looking. Am I a stalker?
My Wife just told me to take my phone and stick it where the sun don't shine. So I just booked a $553 flight to Seattle. Women make no sense some days.
This morning My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home. I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.
How to cook the perfect amount of spaghetti:
Step 1. Remove from box how much you think you need. Step 2. Eliminate half the amount you thought you needed. Step 3. Invite a friend over for spaghetti if you want to skip step 2