Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5753 of 6371
if a fat girl falls in the forest and nobody is there to see it ...... do the trees laugh?
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07-21-2010 04:15
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was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For f***s sake, keep it down!".
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07-21-2010 04:07 by kittykat
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Worst thing to feel during a proctology exam ???...Two hands on your shoulders
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07-21-2010 02:13 by d ron
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bored of thinking of funny things to write in status and isn't going to bother this time
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07-21-2010 01:50
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not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room until security shows up.
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07-21-2010 00:13 by kittykat
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would be more willing to accept people for who they are if they were more like how I wanted them to be.
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07-21-2010 00:12 by kittycat
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planning a vacation and is leaning towards Pisa.
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07-21-2010 00:11 by Kittycat
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There is no SPF strong enough to sheild you from the sheer awesomeness that radiates from my ass!
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07-20-2010 23:52
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ʇɐ s,oɥ ǝɥʇ ǝɹǝɥʍ˙˙˙ uoıʇısod ʇɥƃıɹ ǝɥʇ uı ʍou ɯɐ ı' ʞo
Just go ahead and sneeze cause my presence just blessed you
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07-20-2010 23:10
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loves to chase his pets with a vacuum cleaner
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07-20-2010 22:49 by Xanotin
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tried to join a Tourette's support group, but they told me to piss off
wondering if Jewish doctors get paid for doing circumcisions, or just get to keep the tips.
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07-20-2010 22:20 by kittykat
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discovered today that when a police officer says, "Ma'am, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?", you should never respond with "Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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07-20-2010 22:19 by kittykat
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had some Korean meatballs last night. They were the dog's bollocks.
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07-20-2010 22:16 by kittykat
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once read a book about anti-gravity. I just couldn't put it down.
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07-20-2010 22:13 by kittykat
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My boyfriend told me that he was seeing someone else because he was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail.
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07-20-2010 22:13 by kittykat
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kind of surprised I'm not an action figure by now.
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07-20-2010 22:12 by kittykat
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hates it when old relatives come up to you at weddings and say, "You'll be next, dear". I'm sure they wouldn't be too impressed if I started saying that to them at funerals.
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07-20-2010 22:11 by kittykat
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thinks a city built on rock 'n roll would be structurally unsound.
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07-20-2010 22:10
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